Below are a selection of our all-time favorite funniest jokes ever here at LaffGaff. There’s a mix of witty short jokes, longer jokes and hilarious one liners so whatever your preference there should be something here for you. This page is updated periodically so make sure to check back regularly for more of our favorite funniest jokes.
Funniest Jokes Ever
The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf.
He said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”
The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, the steaks are too high!”
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man “When are you going to pay for these beers?”
The man answers, “Now the problems start!”
Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.
But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
He replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Nobody stood up so the teacher said, “I’m sure there are some stupid students in this class!”
At this point Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Oh Johnny! So you think you’re stupid then?”
Little Johnny replied, “No, I just felt bad that you were standing up on your own.”
I’ve got some cream for that.
“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
Then he handed it to the clerk. The clerk examined the paper and said to the dog, “You know there are only nine words here? You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all!”