Banana jokes are so ap-peel-ing! So we’ve not been up to any monkey business. Instead, we’ve gathered together a bunch of the best jokes around just for you. We hope you enjoy our collection of funny banana jokes and puns.
Funny Banana Jokes & Puns
My wife’s been on a banana diet.
She hasn’t lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Why don’t bananas snore?
Because they don’t want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
This guy walks into the doctor’s office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
He says to the doctor, “Help me Doc, what’s the matter with me?”
The doctor replies, “That’s easy. You’re not eating properly.”
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
This little old guy hobbles painfully into an ice cream parlor, groaning because he has a hard time walking.
As he enters he’s hunched over and obviously in pain.
He walks up to the counter and says to the girl who’s serving, “Banana Split, please.”
The young girl asks, “Crushed nuts?”
The old man replies, “No, arthritis!”
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
A friend told me that all apples were yellow.
I was like, “That’s bananas.”
Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
It’s true – when was the last time you ate a monkey?
Two young guys are walking along the street having a discussion about girls.
The first guy says, “Girls just don’t seem to be attracted to me.”
The second guy asks, “What do you mean?”
The first guy replies, “Well sure, there’s lots of really cute girls around. But they never even give me a second look.”
The second guy says, “We can easily fix that! Just take a banana and put it in your pants.”
“A banana?” asks the first guy, all confused.
The second guy says, “Yeah. Girls will go crazy for you.”
So the first guy returns the next day with a banana stuck down his pants. All the girls notice all right, but they all just giggle and laugh uncontrollably leaving him humiliated. They’re laughing so much none of them can take the time to explain to him what they’re laughing about.
So the guy rushes over to the second guy’s house to complain about what he felt was a joke he’d played on him, recounting on the way how everybody on the beach, girls and guys both, had laughed at him.
When he gets to his friend’s house, his friend asks “Did you put the banana in your pants?”
“Yeah, see,” the first guy replies, turning around to show the banana’s bulge smack in the middle of the back of his pants.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
I was driving down the road yesterday when I saw a banana skin in the middle of the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it.
Thanks, Mario Kart.
They’re not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they’re long enough already.
Time flies like an arrow.
And fruit flies like a banana.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
These two really dumb guys were taking their first train trip and it was lunchtime.
They opened their lunch boxes which their mothers had packed for them and both took out bananas, which they’d never seen before.
The first guy eagerly peeled his banana and bit into it. Just as he did so, the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he saw that his friend was just about to eat his banana too.
He looked at him and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?” his friend asked.
“I took one bite of mine and I went blind for half a minute.”
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor’s because he wasn’t peeling very well?
I was watching the Grand Prix the other day when I thought to myself, “Formula 1 racing would be so much more exciting if they threw banana skins and turtle shells.”
My boss accused me of “acting the monkey” at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What do you call a shoe made from a banana?
Want to hear a joke about bananas?