Apple Jokes And Puns

What’s the core reason these apple jokes and puns are so hilarious? We don’t know; we just find them really ap-peeling!

Header image for a page of funny apple jokes and puns.

Funny Apple Jokes And Puns

What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?

They lived appley ever after.

Is it true an apple a day, keeps the doctor away?

Or is it just an old granny’s myth?

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

What do you say to someone who’s too scared to plant apples?

Grow a pear.

I went to the store today to buy some apples and oranges, but they didn’t have any.

It was a fruitless trip.

I just ate a frozen apple.

It was hardcore.

What’s yellow and hangs from an apple tree?

A stupid banana.

What kind of apple throws the best parties?

A Gala apple.

Why is it harder for orange juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?

Pulp friction.

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.

And then everything crashed.

How do you make an apple puff?

Chase it around the garden.

How do you make an apple turnover?

Push it down a hill.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

If you have 17 apples in one hand and 14 apples in the other hand, what do you have?

Really big hands.

If Whole Foods sells sliced apples, is it false advertising?

What do an apple and an unpaid bill have in common?

Both keep the doctor away.

Who led all the apples to the bakery?

The Pie Piper.

Where do the most apples grow?

The Apple-achian Mountains.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do?

It can look round.

I asked Alexa to check my bank balance and tell me which Apple product I could afford to buy.

She said, “Apple juice.”

An apple a day keeps the doctor away…

If you throw it hard enough.

When is an apple grouchy?

When it’s a crab apple.

Apples have been cultivated by taking off branches of one tree and splicing them into another tree.

Luckily, animal breeders took another approach.

An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth…

He says, “When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents. With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, and at the end of the day, I sold them for twenty cents. This went on for a week. Then my uncle died and left me twenty million dollars.”

What’s red, green, and smells?

An apple, a frog, and your nose.

Why did the apple pie cry?

It’s peelings were hurt.

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pineapple.

What do you call an apple who plays the trumpet?

A tooty fruity.

Why didn’t the worm go on Noah’s ark in an apple?

Because everyone had to go in pears.

What avid reader lives in an apple?

A bookworm.

What’s the most musical apple?

The Jazz apple.

What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?

Apple Pi.

More Funny Food Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny jokes about apples, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more food puns and humor, such as these: