Bulb Replacement
Accidentally replaced my halogen bulbs with hallucinogen bulbs.
Circuit breakers are tripping and my electric bill is really high.
Here at LaffGaff, we publish a brand new funny joke of the day each and every day of the year.
So make sure you keep coming back for your daily laughs, including Dad jokes, corny jokes for kids and adults, stupid jokes, short jokes, and more!
Below are all our latest daily jokes (they’re ideal for celebrating International Joke Day, which is on July 1st):
Accidentally replaced my halogen bulbs with hallucinogen bulbs.
Circuit breakers are tripping and my electric bill is really high.
I said to my wife, “For the last 15 years, all you’ve done is find mistakes in anything I say.”
She said, “16 years…”
Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
I bought a book called “1001 Uses for Binary”.
When I got home, I was disappointed to find out there were only 9 entries.
I like to mark my calendar with bright neon colors.
It’s the highlight of my day.
My next-door neighbor’s front door is made of sponge.
Lots of people don’t like it, but I have to admit, I can’t knock it.
Her: At least invite me out to dinner.
Him: I don’t go out with married women.
Her: But I’m your wife.
Him: I make no exceptions.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine.
It’s shaped like a corkscrew.
My wife said she wants to spend our savings on learning to drive a steamroller.
I said I’m not going to stand in her way.
I went to an archaeology party where they were only looking for remains of a lower leg.
It was a shindig.
When I was young, I was very poor.
After years of struggle, I’m no longer young.
I went on an online video call and a picture of a can of spam appeared on my screen.
I think it was a zoom meat tin.
I tried making a candlelit dinner.
I think it would have cooked quicker in the oven.
I got in to trouble when I was in the army when they found me with trifles, ice cream and cakes.
They said I was a desserter.
A friend just gave me a bag of sugar as a gift.
I thought it was very sweet.
I woke up to find my mustache was missing this morning.
Someone must have stolen it right under my nose.
So you’re telling me that when a baby crawls across the floor for its bottle it’s cute…
But when I do it, I need an intervention?
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain…
Due to all the indoor fins.
My wife says I’m the most stubborn and strong-willed person she’s ever met.
But I refuse to accept that.
Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?
Neither did he.
Friend: Can I set up a cloning lab in your basement?
Me: Sure, make yourself at home.
One of the animals in the local zoo is pregnant, but nobody is comfortable talking about it.
It’s the elephant in the womb.
Breaking news: A truck full of pepper mills has crashed on the highway.
The traffic has ground to a halt.
My biggest goal for this year is to buy a Velcro wall.
I plan on sticking to it.
I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city.
It’s a Rome ants novel.
I’m writing a book about drinking beer.
I’m currently on my 4th draft.
Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don’t have toetips.
Yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.
Sometimes I like to mess with my husband and hide his stuff where he can’t find it.
Like I put his shoes in the shoe closet, his jacket on the hanger and his keys on the key hook.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
I’ve never owned a telescope in my life.
But it’s something I’m considering looking into.
My doctor told me that I’m suffering from insomnia.
I asked, “Is it serious?”
He said, “There’s no cause for any alarm.”
So I just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen in the middle of the night, I won’t be covered.
I once dated a woman who was 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 Turkish, 1/4 Danish, and 1/4 Vietnamese.
She was great but I had to break up with her.
Too many red flags.
I agreed to drive my wife downtown to see a movie because she said parking would be cheap.
But the parking was a lot.
The police just came and arrested my dog.
He had unpaid barking tickets.
I have just released my own fragrance.
The people sitting near me on the bus don’t look like they appreciate it, though.
I tried dating a nun but she stopped talking to me.
I got holy ghosted.
I’ve decided to stop seeking approval from strangers.
Is everyone ok with that?
My half-brother and I aren’t allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.
I went to school for magicians but failed the final exam.
They were all trick questions.
How can you tell when a bucket gets sick?
It becomes a little pale.
Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It’s true!
I went for a jog today and decided I’m never going again.
You have to be very precise when identifying fungi.
There’s not mushroom for error.
Buy wind chimes.
It’s a pretty sound investment.
My son likes to cause a scene by going up to his loft and playing the bongos very loudly.
It’s a little drum attic.
My kid called me an old man this morning.
We both laughed and laughed.
Then I changed the WiFi password.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie.
She said, “What movie would you like to see?”
I said, “You pick.”
She said, “You pick.”
I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”
She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”
My budget plan went out the window last month.
It made a great paper airplane.
It is known that there are five Great Lakes in North America.
But one is truly Superior.
I managed to resuscitate a clown the other day.
He’s now on laugh support.