Yacht Obsession
What do doctors do for people obsessed with yachts?
Prescribe anti-buy-yachtics.
Joke Of The Day
Here at LaffGaff, we publish a brand new funny joke of the day each and every day of the year. So make sure you keep coming back for your daily laughs, including Dad jokes, corny jokes for kids and adults, stupid jokes, short jokes, and more!
Below are all our latest daily jokes (they’re ideal for celebrating International Joke Day, which is on July 1st):
Latest Daily Jokes
Palindrome Society
What car does the chairman of the palindrome society drive?
A Toyota.
Sailing Enthusiast
It’s okay to be a bit enthusiastic about sailing.
Just don’t go overboard.
Trampoline Phobia
I have a phobia of trampolines.
I can’t help it, they just always make me jump.
Racing Seals
Why are seals good at motor racing?
Because they are often in pole position.
Musketeers
A friend played for a soccer team called the Musketeers.
They started the season with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4-all.
Barcode
When I was in the supermarket earlier, I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode.
I asked, “Are you two an item?”
Nail Gun
My wife shot me with the nail gun today.
She must think I’m a stud.
Illegal Bees
A guy tried to sell me illegal bees to make free honey.
I said no because I knew it was a sting operation.
Leftovers
My son asked me if I ate his leftovers in the fridge.
I said, “No, I ate them on the couch.”
Dinosaur Rodeo
What sort of dinosaur takes part in rodeos?
A bronco-saurus.
Vacant Apartment
What do you call the final vacant apartment in the apartment complex?
Last, but not leased.
Bankrup Robot
Why was the robot bankrupt?
He had used all his cache.
Bobsledding
I wanted to be more active, so I took up bobsledding.
Things went downhill pretty fast after that.
Broken Dryer
My wife said she’d be furious if I didn’t finish all the laundry by tomorrow, and unfortunately our dryer is broken.
So there’s a lot on the line right now.
Chocolate Sea Dweller
What’s made of chocolate, has a shell and lives at the bottom of the sea?
An oyster egg.
Chipped Tooth
I chipped a tooth earlier.
No idea how it got on to the golf course.
Bouillon Cubes
I couldn’t find any bouillon cubes in the supermarket.
Apparently they’re out of stock.
Lamppost
I ran into a lamppost yesterday.
Luckily, I only sustained light injuries.
Rolled Up Carpet
I just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods.
Her boyfriend would’ve done it, but he’s out of town.
Delivery Man
I started a new job as a delivery man today. When I got to my first address there was a sticky note on the door saying, “Dear Mr delivery man, we’re out, please hide in garage.”
That was eight hours ago and still nobody’s found me.
Farm Purchase
I just bought 50 chicks from the farm.
They were going cheep.
Costume Party Winner
I’m delighted to have won first prize at the costume party dressed as a bee.
I’m still buzzing.
Highest Ranking Officer
Who is the highest ranking officer at a rock concert?
General Admission.
Punctuation Marks
What do you call two punctuation marks having dinner?
Accommodate.
Dentist And Manicurist
A dentist and a manicurist entered a boxing ring.
They fought tooth and nail.
Fishing Trip
I went on an all-inclusive fishing trip and the worm fell off my hook.
Do you think I can get a rebait?
Weight-Loss Competition
What would you call a world-wide weight-loss competition?
The Ozempics.
Irishman
What do you call an Irishman who bounces off the walls?
Rick O’Shea.
Paint Thinner
I went down to the paint store to get thinner.
It didn’t work. I’m still fat.
Nine Rackets
Why did the man decide to buy nine rackets?
Because tennis too many.
Lanw Maintenance Job
I got fired from my lawn maintenance job.
Guess I just wasn’t cutting it.
Expensive Binoculars
I went to a specialist shop the other day and bought some binoculars, but they cost a fortune.
I think they saw me coming.
Little Red Riding Hood
Breaking news: Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition.
Paramedics have stabilized her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.
Almost A Millionaire
I’m almost a millionaire.
I have all the zeros, now I just need a one.
Skip Lunch
Why did the two fours skip lunch?
Because they already eight.
Garden Tool
What movie do you get when you cross Post Malone with a garden tool?
Hoe Malone.
Persistent Dinosaur
What sort of dinosaur never gives up?
A try-try-triceratops.
Grandma’s Walker
I asked my Grandma which walker she preferred to use.
She said Johnnie.
Echo Chamber
I accidentally farted in an echo chamber.
Now I’m afraid I’ll never hear the end of it.
