3 years ago I married my best friend.
My girlfriend was angry but me and Dave thought it was hilarious.
One day God calls down to Noah and says, “Noah my old buddy, I want you to make me a new ark.”
Noah replies, “No problem God, my old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you’re the boss!”
But God interrupts, “Ah, but there’s a catch. This time Noah, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other.”
“20 decks!”, shouts Noah. “Well, Okay Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?”
“Yep, that’s right, well… sort of right… this time I want you to fill it up with fish,” God answers.
“Fish?” queries Noah.
“Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling carp!”
Noah looks to the skies. “Okay God, let me get this right, You want a new ark?”
“With 20 decks, one on top of the other?”
“And you want it full of carp?”
“But why?” asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
“Dunno,” says God, “I just fancied a multi-storey carp ark.”
A guy just finishes his Lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery.
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly replies, “I’ll take the good news first.”
The surgeon tells him, “Well, you’re about to get a new dog.”