Fast Escalator
What do you call a fast escalator?
An escasooner.
Joke Of The Day
Here at LaffGaff, we publish a brand new funny joke of the day each and every day of the year. So make sure you keep coming back for your daily laughs!
Here’s all our latest daily jokes (they’re ideal for celebrating International Joke Day, which is on July 1st):
Latest Daily Jokes:
James Bond Bath
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
Today’s Special
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
He said, “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Bossy Man
A bossy man goes into a bar.
He orders everyone a round.
Talking Beans
Jack: How’s it going?
Beans: Pretty good.
Jack and the beans talk.
New Apple Product
Apple have announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.
The iRoll.
Password Change
I changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Not Your Foot
What has five toes but isn’t your foot?
My foot.
Empty Glass
Waiter: I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?
Dad: Why would I want two empty glasses?
Dog’s Dinner
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”
I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
Cold Espresso
What do you call an espresso with a cold?
Coughee.
Snake Measurements
Why are snakes measured in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Serious Relationship
I’m in a very serious relationship with my girlfriend.
Haven’t laughed in two years.
Small Pepper
Why did the small pepper wear a sweater?
It was a little chili.
Jeff Bezos
What’s the last thing Jeff Bezos does before bed?
He puts his Pajamazon.
Electrical Issue
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.
He refused.
Bread Allergy
I’m allergic to bread but eat it anyway.
I’m a gluten for punishment.
Archery Practice
Why didn’t the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn’t habanero.
One Door Closes
My granddad always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
Lawn Decorations
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
