If we had to choose a favorite type of joke here at LaffGaff, it’d probably be funny short jokes. Maybe it’s just down to our lack of patience (or the modern malaise of wanting everything now), but for us you just can’t beat a clever yet quick short joke.
Anyway, check out our complete collection of short jokes below and see what you think. And remember we publish a new joke every day, so be sure to come back regularly for all the latest laughs.
Best Funny Short Jokes
James Bond slept through an earthquake.
He was shaken, not stirred.
Did you hear about the new bikini documentary?
It’s a two part series that’s quite revealing.
My favorite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle.
Strange name, but she tortoise well.
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly?
I have got loads of back issues.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks…
“Do you sell flip flips?”
When I was a child we used to roll down hills in old tires.
Those were the good years.
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.
It’s because they charge a lot.
I got called pretty today.
Well, actually, the full statement was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.
Which tree wishes things were more like they used to be?
I’m not wearing glasses anymore.
I’ve seen enough.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
A grave mistake.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek.
Why was the lamp not heavy?
Because it’s light.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it’s not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call the security in a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just ransomware.
How do you steal a coat?
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
What do you call a caveman’s fart?
A blast from the past.
How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing – it’s on the house.
I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig.
It’s not a long poem, but it’s deep.
I think there’s something wrong with the cactus I’m growing.
But I can’t put my finger on it.
I just bought a gallon of correction fluid.
I throw up whenever I hear a joke.
It’s a gag reflex.
Among all the machines, the pulley is the most egotistical.
It’s always at the centre of a tension.
I just bought a new blindfold.
I can’t see myself wearing it.