Dairy Farm
I’m in search for someone to assist with milking cows on my dairy farm.
Must work well with udders.
Cow Jokes
We thought we’d milk these hilarious cow jokes and puns for all they’re worth, because they’re highly a-moo-sing!
Walk The Cow
Every morning, I take my cow on a long walk through the local vineyard.
I herd it through the grapevine.
Cows Bedtime
What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
Dairy tales.
Cow Restaurant
I went to a restaurant run by cows.
They didn’t allow tipping.
Transparent Cattle
Scientists have developed a breed of transparent cattle. Unfortunately they’re super aggressive.
Steer clear.
Deaf Cows
What do you call a group of deaf cows?
Not herd.
Cow And Whale
What do you call a cross between a cow and a whale?
Beef whaleington.
Two Cows
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: The brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer (naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer (now annoyed): Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.
Time For Bed
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.”
She said, “What’s that got to do with anything?”
I said, “That means it’s pasture bedtime.”
Himalayan Friend
My friend from Nepal has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
Newly Qualified Vet
As a newly qualified veterinarian, I’m now permitted to treat animals.
Tonight, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
Smoking Cows
Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Because that’s when the steaks are highest.
Strange Cow
What goes “Ooh ooh”?
A cow with no lips.
Vegetarian Diet
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows.
Octopus And Cow
What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus?
A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
Narcissistic Cow
What does a narcissistic cow say?
“Meeeee!”
Farmer Counting Cows
A farmer was in the field counting his cows; he counted 196 of them.
But when he rounded them up he had 200.
Why Do Cows Have Hooves?
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
