Enjoy this collection of NFL and Super Bowl jokes to help celebrate the biggest sporting occasion in the world.
Remember, if any of the jokes reference your favorite team, just substitute their biggest rivals instead! We hope you enjoy our funny NLF and Super Bowl jokes.
Funny NFL & Super Bowl Jokes
What do Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?
Turn off the XBox.
Why will all of the referees check their voicemail immediately after the Super Bowl?
So they can hear someone say “No missed calls.”
Why can’t Matt Ryan use the phone anymore?
Because he can’t find the receiver.
What’s the difference between the Atlanta Falcons and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
Why are Dallas Cowboy fans so rich?
Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets.
How many Atlanta Falcons does it take to change a tire?
One. Unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
What do you call an Atlanta Falcons player with a Super Bowl ring?
How many Atlanta Falcons does it take to win a Super Bowl?
Nobody knows and we may never find out.
What do the Atlanta Falcons and the mailman have in common?
Neither deliver on Sunday night.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
What’s the difference between O. J. Simpson and the Atlanta Falcons?
O. J. Simpson had a defense.
Why are the 49ers like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why do Seahawks fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
What’s the difference between a Panther’s fan and a baby?
A baby will stop whining eventually.
How many Cardinals does it take to win a Super Bowl?
We don’t know, and we may never find out.
The Dallas Cowboys had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players looked on in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.
Everyone stared in silence and wonder as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach said, “You’re superb. Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”
“Forget the bonus,” replied the turkey, “What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?”
How do you keep the Baltimore Ravens out of your front yard?
Put up goal posts.
A football coach walked into the changing room before a game. He looked over to his new signing and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but we need you to be in the team. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right then you will be allowed to play.”
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What’s two plus two?”
The player thought for a moment and then answered, “4?”
“Did you say 4?” the coach exclaimed, excited that the player had actually got the right answer.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began shouting, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”
What’s the difference between the Miami Dolphins and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
A friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl. He didn’t realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding, so he can’t go.
If you’re interested…
The church is in New York City and the bride’s name is Donna.
The Detroit Lions have almost assembled a team good enough to win the Super Bowl.
All that’s missing is a great quarterback. A scout has been looking everywhere for someone good enough, but cheap enough to keep them under the salary cap, but without any luck.
The one day, the scout returns home defeated again. He slumps down in his chair and puts the news on TV.
As he is watching footage of the conflict in Afghanistan, he sees it! A young Afghan man pulls the pin on a grenade and throws it forty yards to fly through the open window of a fast moving car!
The scout shouts excitedly, “Wow, that kid’s got an arm!”
He immediately phones the kid and recruits him to the Detroit Lions who, with their team completed, go on to win the Super Bowl.
That night the kid calls home to his mother. “Mom, I’ve done it! I’ve led my team to a Super Bowl victory, are you proud?”
“No!” His mother snaps back. “I don’t care about your stupid Super Bowl. We live in constant fear! Our home is little more than a pile of rubble! Your brothers were murdered in the streets! Your sisters cannot go out for fear of being assaulted! We are suffering!”
“But Mom…” the kid starts to say.
“Shut up!” she shouts at him. “I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!”
Why have the Patriots won so many Super Bowls?
Because the owner really likes a happy ending.