We feel a burning need to share these funny firefighter jokes with you. That’s because they’re so hot! So hold on to your helmet and hose yourself down.
We hope you enjoy this collection of funny jokes about firefighters.
Funny Firefighter Jokes
My granddad always said you should fight fire with fire. Maybe that’s why he got fired from the fire service.
A firefighter died one day and unfortunately went to hell. When he got there he found a wall of clocks. After seeing all these clocks on a wall, with his friends names under them, he asked the devil, “What are these clocks for?” The devil replied, “Each time one of your friends messes up on earth, their clock speeds up one hour.” The firefighter thought for a moment and then said, “I don’t see the Chief’s clock anywhere?” The devil replied, “Oh him. We’ve got his down in the basement. We’re using it for a fan.”
My wife said to me, “Can we do some role play?” I said, “Okay, yeah. What do you suggest?” She said, “Firefighter to the rescue.” I wish she’d hurry up. I’ve been stuck up this tree dressed as a cat for twelve hours now.
A firefighter came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go. From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When say Bell 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night.” The next night he came home from work and yelled, “Bell 1!” The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled “Bell 2!”, the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled “Bell 3!”, they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled “Bell 4!” “What the hell is Bell 4?” asked the husband. The wife said, “Roll out more hose. You’re nowhere near the fire.”
Firefighters today rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was rushed to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn’t much left.
At this time of year, there’s nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. And that’s why I’m no longer a firefighter.
A firefighter climbs the ladder to the bedroom of a burning house. In the bedroom he finds a beautiful young woman. “Ah”, he says, “You’re the third pregnant girl I’ve rescued this month”. The young woman says, “But, I’m not pregnant!” The firefighter replies, “You’re not rescued yet.”
It’s always good to find out you’re going to be working from home. Unless you’re a firefighter.
Two guys were sitting having a quiet drink in a coffee shop one day. Suddenly the town’s fire alarm went off. One of the guys jumped up and headed for the door. His friend shouted after him, “Hey Bill, I didn’t know you were a fireman?” Bill replied, “I’m not, but my girlfriend’s husband is…”
Why doesn’t a fire chief look out the window in the morning? Because then he wouldn’t have anything to do in the afternoon.
How many firefighters does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and three to chop a hole in the roof.
What did the firefighter call his two sons? HoseA and HoseB.
One day a boy went swimming in a lake. He soon got into trouble though and was starting to drown. Luckily there was a firefighter by the lake who swam out and pulled the boy up onto the
beach and began CPR. A crowed gathered round and watched as the firefighter frantically pumped on the boys chest. Water kept pouring from the boy’s mouth. Each time the firefighter pumped more water came out A short time later seaweed started coming out, then minnows, then more water started coming out of the boy’s mouth. The firefighter feared this would never stop. Just then, a paramedic arrived, quickly ran over to the firefighter and said, “Hey Chief! You better get that kid’s butt out of the water before you pump that lake dry”.
I’ve been trying to climb the ladder at work for years now. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a firefighter.
Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip one day. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn’t seen any deer all day. Finally they came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After losing a few hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said “That does it! I’m going out to get me a deer.” Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked him, “How did you get that?” The rookie said, “I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.” The captain then said, “I’ve had enough of this too, I’m going to get my deer.” Half an hour later he came back with a 6 point buck. The chief asked him, “How did you get that?” and the captain said, “I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.” The chief not wanting to be out done said, “I’m out of here, I’m going to bag the biggest buck of the day.” He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and the captain asked him, “What the hell happened to you?” The chief replied, “I walked out five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a train.”
There was a huge fire downtown one day and the firemen were having a bit of trouble. A young woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her baby. The firefighters told her to drop the child out the window and they would catch it with the net they had placed under it. The mother refused to do this though. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built man burst through the crowd and shouted to the women. He said, “I’m a professional football player and I’m sure to catch the baby safely.” After a few more minutes more of pleading and reassurances from the man, the mother finally let the child drop. The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody cheered. At that moment he suddenly raised the child high in the air, spiked it on the ground and yelled, “TOUCHDOWN!”
A blonde farmer call the rural fire department one day. She says, “Come quick my barns on fire, my barn’s on fire!” The dispatcher says, “Calm down. Now just tell us how to get there.” The blonde says, “Oh, don’t you have that big red truck any more?”
They say if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen … Which is why I lost my job as a firefighter.
A firefighter is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He’s wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little boy. What’re you doing?” The little boy replies, “I’m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!” The fireman walks over to take a closer look and then says, “That sure is a nice fire truck.” “Thanks, mister”, says the little boy. The fireman then looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. “Hey boy,” the fireman says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog’s neck I think you could go faster.” The little boy says, “You’re probably right mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
What did the firefighter say when the church caught on fire? “Holy smoke!”
A fireman and a policeman die and both go to heaven where they are issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought that their wings would fall off. Everything was going fine for some time then one day they passed a very attractive young lady. As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policeman’s wings fell off.
I was telling a joke about a house that burned down to a firefighter the other day. He had to be there.
How do you know which locker belongs to a female firefighter? Just look for the one with 20 pairs of fire boots under it.
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. It wasn’t long before it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I’ll give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!” As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze but to no avail. After two more hours of attacking the fire, the president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company’s secret files. Just then a long siren was heard in the distance and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone’s amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old-timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. The chemical company president was overjoyed and announced he’d double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, “The first thing we’re going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck.”
A guy calls the fire department and says, “I’ve just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden.” “Very nice,” the firefighter replies, “But what does that have to do with the fire service?” “Well,” the man answers, “The house next door is on fire and I don’t want you to trample my front yard.”
One day, a fire chief dies and finds himself in a long line at the gates of heaven, St. Peter manning the post. So the fire chief, in full dress uniform (scrambled eggs, gold badge, tie, hat, etc.) walks to the front of the line and says “Here I am Peter!” Peter turns to the chief and says “Well, I’m sorry, chief, but your going to have to go to the end and wait your turn.” Unwillingly, the Chief goes to the back and waits. A couple of hours pass, and another chief appears at the back of the line, full dress uniform as the other, marches to the front of the line and says “How’s things going, Pete?” Promptly opening the gates, Peter replies “Just fine, sir.” Furious, the other chief stomps to the front of the line to confront Peter, asking, “Who does he think he is, God?” Peter replies, “Oh, that was God. He just thinks he’s the fire chief.”