It seems that once they reach a certain age, all fathers start to tell really bad Dad jokes. Maybe they do it just to wind their kids up who don’t really want to hear a joke, or maybe it’s just their sense of humor, who knows? Although there is a theory that telling Dad jokes are an important part of creating a father-son bond.
Whatever the reason, we love them and so here a collection of the best Dad jokes so bad you just have to laugh. Although they are incredibly corny and groan worthy, somehow they are still funny.
80 Best Dad Jokes For Kids
Here are 80 of our all-time favorite cheesy jokes. We hope you enjoy them as much as we do!
1. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up.
2. I’m like the fabric version of King Midas.
Everything I touch becomes felt.
3. Why are elevator jokes so good?
Because they work on so many different levels.
4. When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
When does the punchline become apparent?
After the delivery.
5. I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped.
Needless to say, I’m ex-static.
6. Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
7. Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged.
8. How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.
9. I like to tell Dad jokes, but I don’t have kids.
I’m a faux pa.
10. I knew I shouldn’t have had the sea food.
I’m feeling a little eel.
11. What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
12. What do prisoners use to call each other?
13. What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
14. What do you call an old person with really good hearing?
15. My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
But I’m on a roll now.
16. A father in Iraq gave his daughter a new bag.
She said, “Thanks for the Baghdad.”
17. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
It’s a total rip-off.
18. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
19. How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
20. Can February March?
No but April May.
21. I’m the Norse god of mischief but I don’t like to talk about it.
I guess you could say I’m low-key.
22. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
23. What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
24. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own?
It was two tired.
25. What time did the man go to the dentist?
26. What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
27. The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There’s absolutely no point to it.
28. There’s been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There’s nothing left but de Brie.
29. Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
30. What are bald sea captains most worried about?
31. What does a house wear?
32. How does a penguins build his house?
Igloos it together.
33. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
34. After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.
I needed a run up, but I made it.
35. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table?
36. As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said…
“You know, one would have been enough.”
37. If prisoners could take their own mug shots…
Would they be called cellfies?
38. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.
39. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…
40. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
41. I got an e-mail saying, “At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!” and I thought…
“That’s just spam.”
42. When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
43. This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
44. I can’t stand stair lifts.
They drive me up the wall!
45. My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.
He looked like he was running out of womb in there.
46. What has two butts and kills people?
47. What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
48. My mum bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn’t find the words to thank her.
49. “Always be yourself,” my Dad always said to me.
He was a great guy.
Rubbish actor though.
50. How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
51. What do you call an explosive horse?
52. I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
53. One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don’t have Oleg to stand on.
54. A Dutchman has invented shoes that record how many miles you’ve walked.
55. I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
56. What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
57. I was going to tell you a joke about construction.
But I’m still working on it.
58. What type of magazines do cows read?
59. A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
60. What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
61. What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
62. My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
But I will recover.
63. Scientists got bored watching the earth turn, so after 24 hours…
They called it a day.
64. A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
65. I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
66. On his deathbed, my granddad said to me, “Remember these two words. They’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
“Push and pull.”
67. I said to my wife, “I need to call the doctor today.”
“Which doctor?” she asked.
“No, the regular kind.”
68. A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and says, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”
69. What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
Are you having a crisis?
70. Breaking a leg during an audition…
Ensures that you end up in the cast.
71. I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and I thought to myself…
Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy.
72. My son just said to me that he doesn’t understand cloning.
I said, “That makes two of us”.
73. What does a nosey pepper do?
Get jalapeño business.
74. How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
75. Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight and 2021.
76. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time…
Are they resisting a rest?
77. When a woman is giving birth…
She is literally kidding.
78. My friend keeps saying, “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.
79. If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
It will be a sadder day.
80. What do you call a fake noodle?
Funny Dad Jokes
If these bad Dad jokes matched your sense of humor and you want more terrible jokes, check out the rest of our funny jokes pages, including these: