Funny Halloween Jokes

It’s scary how good these funny Halloween jokes are! Make no bones about it, you won’t find any witch are better.

In fact, once you read them, you’re bound to become fangs of them!

Anyway, enough bad Halloween puns – enjoy these Halloween jokes.

A frighteningly funny collection of hilarious Halloween jokes

Best Halloween Jokes

Bat Jokes

What’s the first thing bats learn in school?

The alpha-bat.


How do girl vampires flirt?

They bat their eyes.


How do vampires get into their houses?

Through the bat flap.


What happens when a bat dies?

The newspaper prints their obaturary.


Where do bats practice their baseball?

In the batting cage.


Why are most softball games played at night?

Because the bats have to sleep during the day.


How did the two bat lovers first meet?

On a blind date.


What do you call a baby bat?

A battle.


Where do bats take a shower?

In the bat room.


How are bats like real-estate agents?

It’s all echo-location location location.


You may also like:

A collection of funny bat jokes to get your teeth into!

A collection of hilariously funny bat jokes to get your teeth into – perfect for Halloween!


Dracula Jokes

Did you know vampires aren’t real?

Unless you Count Dracula.


Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?

He made a grave mistake.


Why did Dracula take cold medicine?

To stop his coffin.


For Halloween I’ve got a job making plastic Draculas.

There’s only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.


What do you get when Dracula bites a pig?

A hampire.


Why can’t Superman beat Dracula?

Because he’s afraid to go into the crypt tonight.


What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing.


Where does Dracula buy his pencils?

Pennsylvania.


Count Dracula returned a mirror to my shop yesterday.

He said it wasn’t faulty, he just couldn’t see himself using it.


What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube?

A Count suspended.


You may also like:

A selection of funny Dracula jokes and puns

Upon reflection, we’re prepared to stake a claim for these being the funniest Dracula jokes around. You won’t find better in the same vein!


Ghost Jokes

What do ghosts wash their hair with?

Shamboo.


Why are ghosts so fat?

Because they’re scared to exorcise.


What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?

A poultrygeist.


You wanna hear a joke about ghosts?

Sure.

That’s the spirit!


Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?

He heard they needed a little team spirit.


I suspected my girlfriend was a ghost right from the beginning.

Starting with the moment she walked through those doors.


Why do ghosts hang out at bars?

Because they like booze.


Which room will you never see a ghost in?

The living room.


When a street performer dies, does he become a ghost busker?


Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.


You may also like:

A collection of spooky but funny ghost jokes

These scarily funny ghost jokes are sure to raise your spirits! Yes, there’s no nightmarishly bad jokes here, in fact they’re all dead funny!


Mummy Jokes

What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.


A mummy phones a restaurant and asks to reserve a table for the Pharaoh Sakrakhotep I.

The woman at the restaurant says, “Could you spell it out, please?”

The mummy says, “Of course: bird, two triangles, wavy line, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”


Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.

They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.


What do you call a male Mummy with a cold?

I’m not sure either. Sir Cough I guess.


Did you hear they found a mummy without bandages?

Archaeologists think they started the mummification process, but didn’t have time to wrap it up.


Why did the mummy get a divorce?

His wife was a ghoul-digger.


Why are mummies scared of vacation?

They’re afraid to unwind.


Why didn’t the man accept the mummy’s business proposition?

He thought it might be a pyramid scheme.


I passed my mummy embalming exam easily.

It was a no-brainer.


Why are mummies so hard for archaeologists to find?

Because they’re all kept under wraps.


You may also like:

A selection of funny mummy jokes for Halloween

You’d have to travel a Pharaoh’ld way to discover a better selection of mummy jokes than these. Unwrap them now, just in time for Halloween!


Skeleton Jokes

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.


Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?

Because his heart wasn’t in it.


How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween?

He could feel it in his bones.


Why do skeletons never take any risks?

Because they have no guts.


What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?

The sax-a-bone.


Why couldn’t the skeleton hurt itself?

Because it didn’t have the nerves.


What do skeletons use to mug people?

A shoulder blade.


Why was the skeleton sad?

Because he had no body to love.


How do you catch a skeleton?

With a rib cage.


Why do skeletons shy away from horror movies?

They have no stomach for them.


You may also like:

Make no bones about these funny skeleton jokes - they're hilarious!

These funny skeleton jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone! They’re perfect for adding a little humor to Halloween, or indeed any other occasion.


Vampire Jokes

What do you call a vaping vampire?

Vlad the Inhaler.


A man was drinking the blood of a vampire.

He said, “Hmm, irony.”


Why don’t vampires bet on horses?

They can’t handle the stakes.


To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.

It sounds easy but the process is painstaking.


Why are vampires so impulsive?

They never reflect on things.


I’ve set up a company to rid people of vampires.

I’m the main stakeholder.


Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?

They don’t like steak.


When does an idea kill a vampire?

When it dawns on them.


What kind of boat do vampires like?

Blood vessels.


How do you kill a vegan vampire?

With a steak to the heart.


You may also like:

Picture of Dracula laughing at funny vampire puns

Bad vampire puns and jokes can really drive you batty. Don’t worry though, because none of these examples suck!


Witch Jokes

“Dad, how do you cast spells?”

“You just follow the instructions.”

“Which instructions?”

“Yeah, they’re the ones.”


What sound does a witch’s vehicle make?

Broom.


Witches and wizards don’t fart.

They cast smells.


What’s the difference between a woman and a witch?

The spelling.


Where do witches bake their cookies?

In a coven.


Which illness are witches most prone to?

Crone’s disease.


How did the first witch talk to the second witch?

She cauldron the phone.


Why do witches have their names printed on their shirts?

So you can tell which witch is which.


Why do witches not wear a normal hat?

Because there’s no point in it.


Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?

She looked really good afterwarts.


You may also like:

A collection of bewitchingly funny witch jokes!

There’s always b-room for funny witch jokes and these examples are certainly spellbinding! And no need to hag-gle over them – they’re free, just for you!


Werewolf Jokes

A man says to a werewolf, “You’re a werewolf.”

The werewolf says, “Yes, I’m awere.”


What do you call a Youtuber who is a werewolf?

A lycansubscribe.


What’s the distant cousin of the werewolf?

The way over therewolf.


What’s a werewolf’s favorite drink?

Moonshine.


What do you call a fat Irish werewolf?

O’Beast.


What are aging werewolf barbers most afraid of?

Silver mullets.


What is a werewolf’s favorite day of the week?

Moonday.


What did the werewolf say to his friends when they met?

Howl y’all doing?


I got bitten by a werewolf and I’m turning into one myself.

I think I’m lycan it so far.


What time do werewolf cowboys have a shootout?

High moon.


You may also like:

A selection of funny werewolf jokes and puns

To be fur, these werewolf jokes and puns are hilarious. Sink your teeth into them and you’re sure to be howling with laughter!


Zombie Jokes

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Grains.


What do you call a zombie that writes music?

A decomposer.


What do zombie plumbers crave?

Drains.


What do you call a zombie who stir fries?

A dead man wokking.


What do dyslexic zombies eat?

Brians.


What do you call a zombie who doesn’t joke around?

Dead serious.


What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea?

Plaguegiarism.


What’s the one thing all zombies want?

Piece of mind.


What’s a zombie’s favorite drink?

A stiff one.


If zombies eat humans…

Does that mean they bite the hand that feeds them?


You may also like:

A collection of funny zombie jokes for Halloween

You’d have to be dead inside not to laugh at these funny zombie jokes and puns. Indeed, it would be a grave mistake to miss them!


More Halloween Fun

A selection of scarily funny Halloween knock knock jokes

Halloween Knock Knock Jokes

These Halloween knock knock jokes are scarily funny! They’d tickle even a skeleton’s funny bone and you’re sure to fang us for them!

A collection of hilarious Halloween puns

Halloween Puns

These Halloween puns really are fang-tastic! You definitely won’t get any boos from your audience if you tell these to them!

A collection of grown up Halloween jokes for adults only!

Halloween Jokes For Adults

Celebrate Halloween with a smile and a joke with these fantastic funny Halloween jokes for adults only!

A selection of funny Halloween quotes

Funny Halloween Quotes

Here’s a collection of hilarious quotes about Halloween from the famous and not-so-famous.

Test your knowledge of the popular celebration with these Halloween trivia questions and answers

Halloween Trivia

How much do you know about the origins and traditions of Halloween. Find out with our fun Halloween trivia quiz.

A collection of Halloween riddles for kids

Halloween Riddles

These Halloween riddles for kids are perfect for keeping your little monsters occupied!


More Fun And Laughter

If you enjoyed this collection of funny Halloween jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more fun and laughter. We have a huge selection of funny jokes, trivia questions and answers, funny quotes, quizzes, riddles and pick up lines, so there’s something for everyone!

Spread the fun!