Monster Jokes

Here’s a monstrous collection of the very best monster jokes and puns we found hiding under our bed! They’re dead funny and scary good!

Header image for a page of funny monster jokes and puns.

Funny Monster Jokes And Puns

Why was there no food left at the end of the monster party?

Because everyone was a goblin.

What did the sea monster say to the comedian?

You’re Kraken me up.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But his brother Frank was a monster.

What do Mike and Sulley fill their pens with?

Monsters ink.

On what day do monsters eat people?


What’s the best way to speak to a monster?

From a great distance away.

Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

Monsters aren’t usually good at math.

Unless you count Dracula.

What’s the best thing to give a seasick monster?

Plenty of room.

I hear you’re hunting the Loch Ness monster.

May not be Nessie-ssary, but Beast of Loch to you!

What was the first thing the monster ate after getting his teeth cleaned?

The dentist.

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish ‘n’ ships.

Where do you find a monster snail?

At the end of a monster’s finger.

I went into work early today and switched as many of the m and n keys as I could.

Some might call me a monster, others a nomster.

How do monsters like their eggs?


What do you call a big white furry monster with a six-pack?

The abdominal snowman.

What do you call a monster you can’t find?

A where wolf.

How do you greet a three-headed monster?

Hello, hello, hello.

As a therapist who helps monsters overcome addiction…

Vampires are hands down the worst at self-reflection.

What do you call a monster with great manners?


What monster is always eating junk food?


What do you call a monster who curses?

A swear wolf.

What did the sea monster say after eating the ship?

I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.

What type of street do monsters live on?

A dead end.

What kind of tea do monsters drink?


What kind of hot dogs do monsters eat?


Why do mathematicians like Halloween so much?

It’s the only time of the year they get to do The Monster Math.

What do you call a monster made out of blood?

A hemogoblin.

I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared.

I’m like, “You idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”

How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What’s Kraken?

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster.

In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

“Come on God, give me a break!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the LochNess monster either!”

Son: “Dad, can I sleep in your bed tonight? I’m scared…”

Dad: “No, son. I can’t risk the monster following you in here.”

I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster.

I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition and discovered he had seriously misunderstood the objective.

The flying spaghetti monster never died.

He pastaway.

What do monsters like to eat with their sand-witches?


Why can’t Frankenstein travel by plane?

He never makes it through the metal detectors.

What’s a monster’s favorite game?

Hide and shriek.

What vehicle does Frankenstein drive?

A monster truck.

What do you call a fake flying spaghetti monster?

An impasta.

What do little monsters call their parents?

Mummy and dead-y.

More Funny Halloween Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny monster jokes and monster puns, you’re sure to like the rest of our hilarious Halloween jokes and other Halloween fun, such as these:

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