Cannibal Jokes

You won’t get the cold shoulder when you tell them these funny cannibal jokes and puns! They’re certainly not difficult to digest!

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Funny Cannibal Jokes And Puns

Why are cannibals so angry?

They’re fed up with people.

What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?

Nothing, he’s gladiator.

Why didn’t the cannibal eat the guy with no feet?

Because he was lack toes intolerant.

How does a cannibal say hello?

He offers you a handshake.

What’s a British cannibal’s favorite meal?

Fish and chaps.

Why did the cannibal always introduce his friends to each other?

Because he liked to have people meat.

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job.

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten.

I went to a cannibal restaurant last night.

It cost $50 a head.

A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner.

As they’re tucking into the starter, the guest says, “Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew.”

“I know,” answers the host. “I sure will miss her.”

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.

One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

The other says, “No.”

What do cannibal hitmen eat?

Take-out food.

Two cannibals are sharing a lost tourist.

“You start at the feet. I’ll start at the head,” says the first.

After a little while he notices his friend hasn’t said much.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Fine,” comes the reply. “I’m having a ball.”

“You’re eating too fast.”

What do cannibals ingest to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

I don’t care what vegetarians eat. Cannibals on the other hand…

Where’s my other hand?

What do you give a cannibal who’s late for dinner?

The cold shoulder.

Do cannibals eat ramen?

Or do they cook them first?

What do you call a war between two cannibal tribes?

A food fight.

What happened when the missionary visited the cannibal tribe?

They got a taste of religion.

Bartender: We don’t serve time travellers in here…

Cannibal: Darn it! Just regular people then.

Two explorers are captured by cannibals and put in a large pot of water over a fire.

As the water gets hotter and hotter, one starts giggling uncontrollably.

The second explorer says, “We’re going to die here and they are going to eat us! What on earth is so funny?”

The first guy says, “I just peed in their soup!”

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map.

The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters, “Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne’er up again.”

The second man asks for his revolver, says “For God and Country!” and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming, “Screw your canoe!”

How did the Roman feel when he cannibalized his nagging wife?


What did the cannibal choose as his last meal?

Five guys.

I just found out that a distant relative of mine was a cannibal and ate 3 people.

That’s a lot to digest.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite kind of noodle?


What do cannibals drink in the morning?

A cup of Joe.

The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.

My son asked today, “Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”

I answered, “Why would you think that?”

He said, “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”

Did you hear about the arrogant cannibal who started eating himself?

He was so full of himself.

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

What’s a cannibal’s favorite snack?

A knuckle sandwich.

What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?

A cannibal lecture.

Two cannibals are chatting and the first cannibal says, “I killed and ate a missionary yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach.”

The second cannibal says, “That’s too bad. How’d you cook him?”

The first cannibal says, “Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always.”

The second cannibal says, “Makes sense. And what did he look like?”

The first cannibal says, “The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals.”

And the second cannibal says, “Well there’s your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar.”

Cannibal son, during dinner: Mom, I have to tell you something. I don’t like grandpa.

Cannibal mom: Then try the potatoes instead.

After many years of traveling the globe, an explorer was recently eaten by cannibals.

He died as he lived, a seasoned traveler.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his butt.

A cannibal and a vegetarian go to lunch.

They both order a Danish.

It’s tough to swallow your pride.

Unless you are a cannibal lion.

I was telling a friend about the time a cannibal took my sister to see a Russel Crowe movie…

He asked, “Gladiator?”

I replied, “No, I really miss her…”

Cannibal is an ate letter word.

Two clowns are eating a cannibal.

One says to the other, “I think we got this joke wrong.”

Why won’t cannibals eat redheads?

They don’t want gingervitis.

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

Because he got cold feet.

How did the cannibal plead guilty?

“Well, if you are what you eat, then I’m an innocent man!”

Why was the cannibal’s Chinese restaurant shut down?

For human rice violations.

What do you call a cannibal social gathering?

A meat and eat.

What is a cannibal’s favorite part of a party?

The finger food.

Did you hear about the psychic who was captured by cannibals?

They had to very carefully prepare to eat him for the tribal feast.

Because very rarely is a medium well done.

Every truck is a food truck…

If you’re a cannibal.

What does a cannibal call a man in a hammock?

Breakfast in bed.

What did the narcissist say to the cannibal?

“I’m kinda a big meal.”

What did the cannibal say when someone asked how old is son was?

“He was at a tender age.”

What do you call a cannibal who only eats coma patients?

A vegetarian.

Two cannibals sat by a fire.

The first one says, “I’m going to become a vegan”.

The other one says, “Me too.”

The first one says, “You do realise we have totally messed up this joke now it won’t be funny.”

The other one says, “Yeah, well that’s vegans for you.”

What do cannibals call unvaccinated children?

Organic food.

A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.

More Funny Jokes

If you liked these funny cannibal jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes such as these: