Bad vampire puns and jokes can really drive you batty! Don’t worry though because upon reflection (something vampires lack!), none of these examples suck! So get your teeth into these funny vampire puns and enjoy them. You can fang us later!
48 Funny Vampire Puns & Jokes
Do beginner vampires go to batting practice?
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a laptop?
Love at first byte.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
I used to work with a vampire.
They were a real pain in the neck.
Where do vampires keep their money?
In the blood bank.
Are elderly vampires long in the tooth?
Being a vampire really sucks.
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Why did the vampire break up with her boyfriend?
Because he wasn’t her type.
I’m thinking of joining my local vampire club.
Apparently they’re always looking for new blood.
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
I used to know a vampire actor.
He gave up because he couldn’t find a role he could really get his teeth into.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
How do vampires travel across the sea?
On blood vessels.
Vampires are always looking for their necks victim.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
Last Halloween, I went to a party dressed as Dracula and ate all the food.
I was Vampire the Buffet Slayer.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup?
Scream of tomato.
What do vampires eat for breakfast?
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
On reflection, vampires aren’t that scary.
Why does no-one like vampires?
Because they’re real pains in the neck.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because they always like to draw blood.
What’s a vampire’s least favorite song?
Another One Bites The Dust.
What do you call a foolish vampire?
A silly sucker.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What does a vampire never order at the restaurant?
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
Why did the vampire keep acting batty?
It was in his blood.
Who plays striker for the vampire soccer team?
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?
He had loved in vein.
Why do vampires chew gum?
Because they have bat breath.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
How does a vampire enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
More Halloween Humor
If you enjoyed this collection of funny vampire puns and jokes, be sure to check out the rest of our Halloween jokes too, including these: