Did you know that Halloween developed from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain? No? Us neither. Anyway, wherever they came from, it’s scary how good these funny Halloween jokes and puns are! Make no bones about it, you won’t find any witch are better to tickle a skeleton’s funny bone!
In fact, once you read them, you’re bound to become fangs of them! Anyway, enough bad Halloween puns – enjoy these hilariously corny Halloween jokes for kids and adults alike.
Best Corny Halloween Jokes For Kids & Adults
What’s the first thing bats learn in school?
How do girl vampires flirt?
They bat their eyes.
How do vampires get into their houses?
Through the bat flap.
What happens when a bat dies?
The newspaper prints their obatuary.
Where do bats practice their baseball?
In the batting cage.
Why are most softball games played at night?
Because the bats have to sleep during the day.
How did the two bat lovers first meet?
On a blind date.
What do you call a baby bat?
Where do bats take a shower?
In the bat room.
How are bats like real-estate agents?
It’s all echo-location location location.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?
He made a grave mistake.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
To stop his coffin.
For Halloween I’ve got a job making plastic Draculas.
There’s only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
What do you get when Dracula bites a pig?
Why can’t Superman beat Dracula?
Because he’s afraid to go into the crypt tonight.
What subject did Dracula major in during college?
Where does Dracula buy his pencils?
Count Dracula returned a mirror to my shop yesterday.
He said it wasn’t faulty, he just couldn’t see himself using it.
What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube?
A Count suspended.
What do ghosts wash their hair with?
Why are ghosts so fat?
Because they’re scared to exorcise.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?
You wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
That’s the spirit!
Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?
He heard they needed a little team spirit.
I suspected my girlfriend was a ghost right from the beginning.
Starting with the moment she walked through those doors.
Why do ghosts hang out at bars?
Because they like booze.
Which room will you never see a ghost in?
The living room.
When a street performer dies, does he become a ghost busker?
Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
What is up a ghost’s nose?
What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
The scary go-round and the roller-ghoster.
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
A mummy phones a restaurant and asks to reserve a table for the Pharaoh Sakrakhotep I.
The woman at the restaurant says, “Could you spell it out, please?”
The mummy says, “Of course: bird, two triangles, wavy line, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”
Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a male mummy with a cold?
I’m not sure either. Sir Cough I guess.
Did you hear they found a mummy without bandages?
Archaeologists think they started the mummification process, but didn’t have time to wrap it up.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger.
Why are mummies scared of vacation?
They’re afraid to unwind.
Why didn’t the man accept the mummy’s business proposition?
He thought it might be a pyramid scheme.
I passed my mummy embalming exam easily.
It was a no-brainer.
Why are mummies so hard for archaeologists to find?
Because they’re all kept under wraps.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
Because his heart wasn’t in it.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why do skeletons never take any risks?
Because they have no guts.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
Why couldn’t the skeleton hurt itself?
Because it didn’t have the nerves.
What do skeletons use to mug people?
A shoulder blade.
Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why was the skeleton sad?
Because he had no body to love.
How do you catch a skeleton?
With a rib cage.
Why do skeletons shy away from horror movies?
They have no stomach for them.
What do you call a vaping vampire?
Vlad the Inhaler.
A man was drinking the blood of a vampire.
He said, “Hmm, irony.”
Why don’t vampires bet on horses?
They can’t handle the stakes.
To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
It sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
Why are vampires so impulsive?
They never reflect on things.
I’ve set up a company to rid people of vampires.
I’m the main stakeholder.
Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
They don’t like steak.
When does an idea kill a vampire?
When it dawns on them.
What kind of boat do vampires like?
How do you kill a vegan vampire?
With a steak to the heart.
What do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A blood test.
Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
What sound does a witch’s vehicle make?
“Dad, how do you cast spells?”
“You just follow the instructions.”
“Yeah, they’re the ones.”
Witches and wizards don’t fart.
They cast smells.
What’s the difference between a woman and a witch?
Where do witches bake their cookies?
In a coven.
Which illness are witches most prone to?
How did the first witch talk to the second witch?
She cauldron the phone.
Why do witches have their names printed on their shirts?
So you can tell which witch is which.
Why do witches not wear a normal hat?
Because there’s no point in it.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterwarts.
Why didn’t the witch ride on her broom when she was upset?
She was afraid she would fly off the handle.
What do you call a witch who goes to the beach?
A sand witch.
A man says to a werewolf, “You’re a werewolf.”
The werewolf says, “Yes, I’m awere.”
What do you call a Youtuber who is a werewolf?
What’s the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite drink?
What do you call a fat Irish werewolf?
What are aging werewolf barbers most afraid of?
What is a werewolf’s favorite day of the week?
What did the werewolf say to his friends when they met?
Howl y’all doing?
I got bitten by a werewolf and I’m turning into one myself.
I think I’m lycan it so far.
What time do werewolf cowboys have a shootout?
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
What do you call a zombie that writes music?
What do zombie plumbers crave?
What do you call a zombie who stir fries?
A dead man wokking.
What do dyslexic zombies eat?
What do you call a zombie who doesn’t joke around?
What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea?
What’s the one thing all zombies want?
Piece of mind.
What’s a zombie’s favorite drink?
A stiff one.
If zombies eat humans…
Does that mean they bite the hand that feeds them?
What’s a zombie’s favorite type of bean?
Why did the zombie stay home from school?
He felt rotten.
More Funny Halloween Jokes & Puns
Here are even more collections of scary good Halloween humor, jokes, puns and other Halloween fun for you to enjoy! Happy Halloween!
More Halloween Humor & Fun
More Holiday Jokes
Don’t miss the rest of our holiday jokes and other fun and laughter, including these:
- 4th Of July Jokes.
- Christian Jokes.
- Christmas Jokes For Kids.
- Church Jokes.
- Dirty Thanksgiving Jokes.
- Easter Jokes For Adults.
- Easter Jokes For Kids.
- Funny President’s Day Jokes.
- Irish Jokes.
- Labor Day Jokes & Quotes.
- Mother’s Day Jokes.
- Thanksgiving Jokes.
More Fun And Laughter
If you enjoyed this collection of corny Halloween jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more fun, laughter, jokes and riddles. We have a huge selection of funny jokes, trivia questions and answers, funny quotes, quizzes, riddles and pick up lines, so there’s something for everyone!