Presidents’ Day Jokes

Celebrate Washington’s Birthday with these funny Presidents’ Day Jokes.

Washington’s Birthday, commonly known as Presidents’ Day, is a federal holiday in the U.S. Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. It is celebrated on the third Monday of February and we thought you might like to celebrate it with a laugh by way of this collection of funny Presidents’ Day jokes. We hope you enjoy them!

Header image for a page of funny Presidents' Day jokes to celebrate Washington's Birthday with a smile!

37 Funny Presidents’ Day Jokes

What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?

Presidentures.


If George Washington were alive today, why couldn’t he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?

Because a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.


Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?

Because he couldn’t lie.


What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?

“Get in the boat, men.”


What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?

They licked the British.


Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?

At the chopping mall.


What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?

Abraham Stinkoln.


What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?

Ape Lincoln.


What was the most popular dance in 1776?

Indepen-dance.


The teacher asked little Johhny, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

Little Johnny replied, “Because he still had the axe in his hand.”


What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?

It can’t sit down.


Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington?

He committed Valley Forgery.


How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House?

First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other.


What would George Washington be if he were alive today?

Really, really, really old.


Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?

He didn’t want any Bushes at the White House.


What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?

The Fodder Of Our Country.


What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?

One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.


Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

George Washington.

George Washington who?

George Washington who?!! Didn’t you learn anything in history class?!!


What rock group has four guys who don’t sing?

Mount Rushmore.


Civil War jokes?

I General Lee don’t find them funny.


Presidents’ Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one.


What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player?

Babe Lincoln.


How did George Washington speak to his army?

In general terms.


Why was George Washington buried standing up?

Because he never lied.


Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?

To keep his head warm.


If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get?

George Squashington.


Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. He wakes up as the ghost of George Washington appears.

Trump asks the ghost, “How can I best serve my country?”

Washington replies, “Never tell a lie.”

“I don’t think I can do that,” says Trump and goes back to sleep.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears.

Trump again asks, “How can I best serve my country?”

Jefferson replies, “Listen to the people.”

Trump says, “Oh! I really don’t want to do that,” and goes back to sleep.

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears.

Once again Trump asks, “How can I best serve my country?”

Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”


How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they’re meant to keep the president in the dark.


The teacher asked little Johnny, “Johnny, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?”

Little Johnny replied, “No, Miss. I thought he lived in Washington.”


When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around?

They were very helpful during the “Roverlutionary War”


What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays.


Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically yells, “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, “Do we have time?”


Who was the biggest joker in George Washington’s army?

Laughayette.


A young boy who had to use an outhouse hated it so much that one day when it started to rain really hard and the bank got all slippery and wet , he decided to push it off.

He did it and later that night his father asked him if he pushed off the outhouse.

The boy truthfully answered, “Yes, I did.”

His father told his son to come with him to get a whipping.

The boy said, “But George Washington didn’t get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest.”

The boy’s father replied, “Yes, but George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.”


Where was the Declaration Of Independence signed?

At the bottom.


In class one day, the teacher pulled little Johnny over to her desk after a test, and said, “Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.”

Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence.

“Well,” said the teacher, “I was looking over your test and the question was, ‘Who was our first president?’, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put ‘George Washington,’ and so did you.”

Little Johnny said, “So, everyone knows that he was the first president.”

“Well, just wait a minute,” said the teacher. “The next question was, ‘Who freed the slaves?’ Susie put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.”

“Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,” said Johnny.

“Wait, wait,” said the teacher. “The next question was, ‘Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?’ Susie put ‘I don’t know,’ and you put, ‘Me neither’.”


What was George Washington’s favorite tree?

The infan-tree.


More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny Presidents’ Day jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes, including these: