The 4th of July is celebrated in the U.S. as Independence Day, to commemorate the Declaration of Independence that was officially adopted on 4th July, 1776. It’s a federal holiday and is associated with great fun and celebrations such as parades and firework displays, as well as carnivals and all manner of other fun things. And you won’t be surprised to hear that here at LaffGaff we like to celebrate it with laughter in the form of 4th of July jokes.
And so with that in mind, here’s a collection of our favorite funny 4th of July jokes.
What’s red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
What do you eat on the 5th of July?
Independence Day-old pizza.
Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July.
But not fire.
The 4th of July is the day that Americans celebrate their freedom by sitting trapped in traffic jams for hours.
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
There was one little boy in the teacher’s class who really struggled to learn.
One day the teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence, and of course he didn’t know.
The teacher asked him every day for a week but still he couldn’t give the right answer.
Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to come and see her. She said to him, “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence.”
The father said to his son, “Come here, boy, and sit down.”
The boy duly did as he was told and then his dad said to him, “Now if you signed that stupid thing, just admit it so we can get out of here.”
How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions.
Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
What’s red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
Nothing says “Happy 4th of July” like passing down to your children the tradition of drunkenly blowing off your fingers with fireworks made in China.
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall.
Independence Day was approaching and the teacher took the opportunity to teach her class all about patriotism.
She said to them, “You know, we live in a great country. And one of the best things about it is that we are all free.”
At this, a little boy marched up to her from the back of the class, put his hands on his hips and said angrily, “I’m not free. I’m four.”
What do you get if you cross a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Who was the biggest joker in George Washington’s army?
May your 4th of July fireworks cause less personal injury than your 4th of July alcohol consumption.
Independence Day is the day that Americans proudly wave their American flags that were made in China.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you get if you cross George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York harbor?
Because she can’t sit down.
Which colonists told the most jokes?
I just bought a car flag for Independence Day for just two dollars.
Now I just need to buy a car and I’m all set…
What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?
The Ducklaration of Independence.
What did one American flag say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
My pop’s bigger than your pop.
What do you get if you cross the first signer of the Declaration of Independence with a rooster?
Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it.
They want to remind the crown that America is still in da pendant.
Happy fourh of July!
Looking for the T?
It’s in Boston Harbor.
July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun.
On the other hand I only have 2 fingers.
What’s the best drink to have on the 4th of July?
A White Russian. Nothing is more American then a Russian helping you to make poor choices.
4th of July.
The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
Do not let the fact that today is July 4th distract you…
From the fact that England blew a 13 colony lead.
This is ridiculous, it’s July 8th and people are still shooting fireworks off.
It almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.
Funny Independence Day Jokes
If you enjoyed this collection of 4th of July jokes, be sure to take a look at other holiday jokes too, including these pages: