Funny Thanksgiving Jokes & Puns

Whatever Thanksgiving means to you, these funny Thanksgiving jokes and puns certainly aren’t fowl and there’s enough of them to sate your appetite for humor until you’re stuffed! Indeed, they’re the ideal way to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Yes, we’ve harvested all the most corny Thanksgiving jokes for kids and adults alike, and proudly present them here for you to feast upon and share. So enjoy them, and have a great Thanksgiving!

A collection of funny Thanksgiving jokes to help celebrate with a laugh!

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes

What’s the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day?

On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election day, you get a turkey for four years.

What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?

The turkey.

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?

Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.

What can you never eat for Thanksgiving dinner?

Breakfast or lunch.

It seems like every Thanksgiving I end up eating leftovers for weeks afterwards.

Not this year though – I’m quitting cold turkey.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?

Only one, but you really have to squeeze them in.

Why did the Pilgrims pants keep falling down?

Because their belt buckles were on their hats.

The day before Thanksgiving, a guy in Phoenix calls his son in New York and tells him,”Son, I’m really sorry but I have to tell you that your mother and I are splitting up. We can’t live with each other any more.”

The son is distraught and shouts down the phone at his father, “Pop, what are you talking about?”

The father replies, “It’s just that we can’t stand the sight of each other any more. And I’m sick of talking about this, so will you call your sister in Chicago and tell her?”

The father than hangs up, and the son frantically calls his sister, who’s equally distraught and exclaims, “Like heck they’re getting divorced! Leave it to me, I’ll take care of this.”

So she calls her father and shouts down the phone at him, “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t you dare to do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t you dare do a thing about this. Do you hear me?”

She then hangs up, at which point the father hangs up his phone, turns to his wife and says, “Okay dear, they’re both coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?

Their age.

Why did the Pilgrim die in the car crash?

Because he didn’t buckle up.

What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?

Nothing, they’re already stuffed.

What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?

The letter G.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie.

But some people say that’s irrational.

Where do turkey’s go to dance?

The Butterball.

What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?

The turkey trot.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

Plymouth Rock music.

When did the Pilgrims first say, “God bless America”?

The first time they heard America sneeze.

What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?

I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

What’s the best song to sing when preparing your Thanksgiving turkey?

All About The Baste.

Why didn’t the Pilgrims tell secrets in the corn field?

Because the corn had ears.

If your great-grandmother saw you making boxed mashed potatoes, she would turn over in her gravy.

Why was there a turkey on Comedy Central?

He was there for a roast.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected him of fowl play.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove he wasn’t chicken.

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.

I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

When asked to write an essay on what he was thankful for on Thanksgiving, little Johnny wrote, “I am thankful I am not a turkey.”

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?

Quack quack!

My mom was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.

Now she’s serving squash.

My sister said to me, “Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.”

I said, “Why? Is it broken?”

Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?

It had 14 carrots.

Why can’t you take turkey to church?

Because they use fowl language.

What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes?

Squash casserole.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

“No, ma’am. They’re dead.”

About two weeks into November, the head turkey turns to his second-in-command and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”

Thanksgiving Puns

Here is a second helping of Thanksgiving laughter. Enjoy these Thanksgiving puns!

What does a Pilgrim call his friends?

Pal-grims.

The boy wasn’t happy about skinning potatoes on Thanksgiving Day, so I guess you could say he would…

Peel grim.

What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?

Twerky.

Did you know the Pilgrims came over on smoke-colored ships designed by a guy named Valentine?

Yep, they were gray V-boats.

What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?

A har-vest.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme.

Why did the handbag hitch a ride with the Pilgrims when they came to America?

To escape purse-cution.

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?

To try to hatchet.

What do you call a haunted turkey?

A poultry-geist.

Why did the Pilgrim kill the turkey?

Because he was in a fowl mood.

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?

He had an arrow escape.

What does a turkey drink from?

A gobble-t.

More Holiday Jokes And Fun

If you enjoyed our corny Thanksgiving jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny holiday jokes and fun too, such as these: