Pumpkin Jokes

It was easy as pie to bring you these pumpkin jokes and puns because they’re extra tasty. In fact, they’re so gourd we’re confident you’ll love them!

Header image for a page of funny pumpkin jokes and puns.

Funny Pumpkin Jokes And Puns

How do you fix a damaged jack o’lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

What is a pumpkin’s circumference divided by a pumpkin’s diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?

He’s a squashbuckling pirate.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

Her coach was a pumpkin and she was always running away from the ball.

What does a one eyed pumpkin wear?

A pumpkin patch.

I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk.

It will be a security gourd.

I love pumpkins.

They’re gourd-geous.

What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?

Michael Gourdan.

Did you know that apple pie in the Bahamas is $1.50?

Pumpkin pie in Barbados is $1.75

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

What did the pumpkin say when it dropped its baby?

Oh my gourd!

I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful.

In fact, it was gourd juice.

What do you call a strong pumpkin?

A jacked o’lantern.

My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.

I told him I’d gourd it with my life.

Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.

Or they might get autumn’y ache.

Why couldn’t the pumpkin have kids?

He had a halloweener.

What do you call a pumpkin artist?

Vincent van Gourd.

What do you call a night watchman at a pumpkin patch?

A security gourd.

What is a mathematician’s favorite part of a big Thanksgiving feast?

Pumpkin pi.

What did the pumpkin say to his girlfriend?

You’re gourd-geous.

My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin…

But all the stores were well-gourded.

What does a surprised pumpkin say?

Oh my gourd!

What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?

A sasquash.

What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?


90% of the pumpkins in the USA are raised within a ninety mile radius of Peoria, Illinois.

That’s gourd to know.

What happened to the pumpkin when a man stepped on it?

It got squashed.

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o’lanterns by 113 jack o’lanterns?

Pumpkin pi.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly’s favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin.

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?


My dad said I could carve pumpkins on the kitchen table. So I did as he said.

When he came back to check up on me, he yelled, “You ruined the table! And you spelled pumpkins wrong!”

A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend.

The friend says, “My God! What happened to your head!?”

“Well,” says the man, “I found a genie in lamp who granted me three wishes.”

“What did you wish for?” says the friend.

“For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!”

“And the second?”

“For the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world,” says the man, “and I got her too.”

“The third wish?”

“The third wish is where I really messed up…” says the man.

“What went wrong?!” asks the friend.

“Well,” says the man, “I wished for a giant pumpkin head!”

Would you ever consider yourself a beautiful gourd?

Because you look smashing, pumpkin.

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny pumpkin jokes and puns, and you’ve got a taste for more funny jokes and puns, check out these: