Original Pentagon
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Author Archives: laffgaff
Guitar Buyer
I bought a guitar the other day but it doesn’t work.
Guess I should’ve known when the seller said no strings attached.
Store Opening
I opened a shop selling used artificial limbs.
I called it the second hand second hand store.
Retired Boxer
A retired boxer goes to see his doctor because he’s having trouble sleeping.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” the doctor asks.
“I tried,” the boxer explains, “but every time I get to the number nine I stand up.”
Indian Flat Bread
Just got the perfect tool for making a good Indian flat bread.
It’s a naan stick pan.
Mahogany Bowtie
My wife said she saw a bowtie made from solid mahogany.
She said she nearly bought it for me but she didn’t think I would wear it.
I replied “Wooden tie?”
First Time In Elevator
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience. The second time let me down.
A Lot Like Algebra
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
High Heating Bill
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, “My door is always open.”
Wife’s Job
It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
Brain Fell Out
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
Defibrillator Failure
It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it does, no one is shocked.
Pig In Black
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
Star Wars Name
My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.
However, his sister Chewbacca is less amused.
Building Site
I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a “paranoid little weirdo”.
In Morse code.
High Temperature Dog
What do you give a dog that has a high temperature?
Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
After Match Party
After my son’s team won the soccer game, the goalkeeper invited us to his house for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
Spanish Jokes
What’s the difference between Spanish and dad jokes?
With Spanish you roll your Rs and with dad jokes you roll your eyes.
Negative Wife Joke
My wife is so negative.
I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
