Local Farmer

My local farmer added a step to get over his fence into his field.

I like his stile.

Small Sweaters

It’s custom that everyone in my town wears sweaters that are just a size too small for them.

We are a very tight knit community.

Owl Mating

Owls don’t like mating in winter.

It’s often too wet to woo.

Shiny Doughnut

I thought the doughnut in the shop window looked really shiny …

Then I realised it was double glazing.

Clown Shoes

My friend is an expert in making clown shoes.

It’s no small feat.

Lost Luggage

Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy.

However, that’s not always the case.

Parrot Umbrella

What do you call a parrot with an umbrella?

Polly unsaturated.

Car Breakdown

My car broke down somewhere between the marina and the Hallmark store.

Now I’m stuck between a dock and a card place.

Bed Myth

I heard a myth about a single bed placed on top of another one, and attached with a ladder.

Fortunately, I was able to debunk it.

Clever Deer

What do you call a deer who can write with their left and right hooves?

Bambidextrous.

Recycling Party

I’m going to a recycling party this weekend.

The invite said to bring a bottle.

Insect Surgery

Did you hear about the surgeon who performs quick surgeries on insects?

He did one on the fly.

Dinosaur Ghost

What is the ghost of a dinosaur called?

A scareodactyl.

Joyce Clone

When my friend Joyce learned she could clone herself…

She rejoiced.

Old Age App

I tried out one of those apps that show you what you look like as an old person.

It’s called Camera.

Clown Tag

What’s the worst part about playing tag with a clown?

When the clown is It.

Water Park Addiction

I went to a water park, tried a couple of slides and now I’m worried I’m getting addicted.

It’s a slippery slope.

Giraffe Bar

A giraffe walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve Heineken here.”

Knitted Sunglasses

My friend who’s a knitter told me she has a pattern for sunglasses.

I think she’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

Dollar Dentures

My dentist offered me dentures for only a dollar.

It sounded like a good deal at the time, but now I have buck teeth.