laffgaff
Airline Check-in
I think the girl at the airline check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”
I laughed and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
Nasty Sting
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
“I’ve been stung by a nasty insect of some kind,” she tells the doctor, “but I’m ashamed to tell you where.”
“It’s okay,” says the doctor. “Our communication is privileged; I won’t tell anyone.”
“Okay,” says the woman. “It was at Walmart.”
Artist Girlfriend
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.
I give her a shoulder to crayon.
Metal Adjectives
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron…
Which is ironic.
Computer Problems
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
He asked, “Hard drive?”
I said, “No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.”
McDonald’s Meal
I ate a kids meal at McDonald’s today.
His mom got really angry.
Not Heavy
Why was the lamp not heavy?
Because it’s light.
Flying Lessons
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”
Injured Goblin
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin’.
Fitness Routine
I’m working on a fitness routine for insects.
It’s going well, but I’m still trying to work out the bugs.
