Grave Digger
What’s a grave digger’s favorite element?
Barium.
LaffGaff
Into what three superstates is the world divided in the novel ‘1984’?
Show answer
Oceania, Eurasia and Eastasia.
Tour Bus
Sad to hear The Who’s old tour bus has finally broken down for good.
It won’t get fuelled again.
The Korean Strait separates South Korea from what country to its east?
Show answer
Japan.
Who wrote the novel ‘The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn’?
Show answer
Mark Twain.
Tribute Band
I’m starting a tribute band called “Paper.”
We cover rock.
What branch of geography studies the distribution of plants and animals on Earth?
Show answer
Biogeography.
Sick Astronauts
When astronauts get sick …
Do they feel over the weather?
Who was lead singer of the band The Doors?
Show answer
Jim Morrison.
Password Hacked
My email password got hacked again.
That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
Bank Note Washer
A friend of mine invented a washing machine for bank notes.
It’s a real money spinner.
What is the largest lake in South America?
Show answer
Lake Titicaca.
Word Misuse
It annoys me when people misuse the words concrete, asphalt and gravel.
It’s all about cementics.
In what country is the Luxor Temple located?
Show answer
Genovia.
Who was the Roman god of the sea?
Show answer
Neptune.
Morse Code Inventor
The inventor of Morse code has passed away.
Dashes to dashes, dots to dots.
Thesaurus Club
First rule of Thesaurus Club:
You do not talk, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
What three countries border Mexico?
Show answer
Belize, Guatemala and the U.S.A.
Coin Collecting
I think I’m gonna take up coin collecting.
The change will do me good.
The medical condition osteoporosis affects which part of the body?
Show answer
Bones.
Fishing Music
Any recommendations for music I can listen to while I’m fishing?
I’m looking for something catchy.
What U.S. city did poet Carl Sandberg describe as ‘The City of Big Shoulders’?
Show answer
Chicago.
Balding Friend
A balding friend of mine has finally cut off his remaining ponytail.
It was a hipsterectomy.
Percussion Instruments
For my next trick, I will push a bunch of percussion instruments down a hill.
Drum roll, please!
What musical instrument does Lisa Simpson play?
Show answer
Saxophone.
Contractor Party
I threw a party for all the contractors who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late.
But he really knew how to make an entrance.
What organ of the body is affected by Pick’s disease?
Show answer
The brain.
Gym Workout
Me: “I’m surprised at how winded I am by this workout.”
Trainer: “This was the tour of the gym.”
How many realms are there in Norse mythology?
Show answer
Nine.
Chiropodist Job
My friend got a new job as a chiropodist and found the first day really difficult.
I guess he was still finding his feet.
What is the official language of Brazil?
Show answer
Portuguese.
How many pedals does a grand piano have?
Show answer
Three.
Digital Camera
Ever since buying a digital camera, I can only think of its positive points.
There aren’t any negatives.
Laryngitis Clinic
They kept me waiting for ages at the laryngitis clinic.
About four hours, roughly speaking.
How is the laryngeal prominence better known in the human body?
Show answer
Adam’s apple.
Italian Dumpling
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling.
It’s a gnocchia.
In which Bond movie is Francisco Scaramanga the main antagonist?
Show answer
The Man with the Golden Gun.
Castle Sleep
I sleep in a castle once every two weeks.
It’s my fort night.
In what sport might you take a divot?
Show answer
Golf.
What name is given to a chemical reaction which takes in heat?
Show answer
Endothermic.
Smartest Mountain
What do you call the smartest mountain?
Mount Cleverest.
What is the name of the U.S Navy’s aerial stunt team?
Show answer
The Blue Angels.
Keyboard Thief
After stealing all the punctuation marks off the judge’s keyboard …
I’m expecting a long sentence.
What color are Mickey Mouse’s shoes?
Show answer
Yellow.
Police Trees
Someone cut down all the trees by the police station.
Authorities were left stumped.
Who is the mayor of Springfield in The Simpsons?
Show answer
Mayor Quimby.
What does the ‘R’ represent in the acronym LASER?
Show answer
Radiation.
Stopped Escalator
What does an escalator say when it stops working?
Nothing, it just stairs.
Umbrellas
I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas.
But they usually go over people’s heads.