New Year’s Eve Jokes And Puns

It’s been a funny old year so why not forget it and welcome in the new one with a laugh with these funny New Year’s Eve jokes and puns!

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Funny New Year’s Eve Jokes

I just read that the average person makes love 90 times a year.

Man, this going to be an epic New Year’s Eve!

I promise not to make any bad New Year’s Eve jokes…

For the rest of the year.

Today I found out that Bill Nye is a stage name.

His real name is William New Year’s Eve.

Happy New Year’s Eve, everybody!

And to all you men’s rights activists out there, Happy New Year’s Adam.

A guy walked into his local bar on New Year’s Eve and ordered a drink.

As midnight approached he raised in glass in a toast, “Let’s all begin this year standing beside the person who has made this past year worth living.”

The poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.

Every year on New Year’s Eve, when everyone’s counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes

That way I always start the new year off on the right foot.

I spent New Year’s Eve installing a new toilet…

In loo of partying.

If you’re worried about not getting a New Year’s Eve kiss this year, just remember…

Valentine’s Day is coming up and you’re probably going to be alone for that, too.

LPT: Be careful driving on New Year’s Eve.

A lot of men will be drunk, so their wives and girlfriends will be the ones driving.

New Year’s Eve was great, we should do it more often.

I had to throw out all the snacks my wife made for New Year’s Eve as soon as the ball dropped.

They were a year old.

I don’t know why people expect Times Square to put on a decent New Year’s Eve show.

They’re always dropping the ball.

Well, it’s that time on New Year’s Eve. I’ll see you all…


Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve?

Times Square.

What do ducks pop on New Year’s Eve?

Fire quackers.

Where did the keys on a computer keyboard go to celebrate New Year’s Eve?

To the space bar.

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck 12, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Life Pro Tip ~ if you start watching, “When Harry Met Sally” at exactly 11:15 pm on New Year’s Eve, when the clock strikes midnight…

You’ll still be just as single as when you started the movie.

I’m going to stay up on New Year’s Eve this year…

Not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?

He got 12 months.

Two superstitious blondes are talking to each other.

One of them says: “I heard that this year, the New Year’s Eve will be on Friday.”

The other replies: “Oh! I hope it won’t be 13th!”

Me and my girlfriend are going to play a special game of “7 minutes in heaven” on New Year’s Eve.

Except instead of a closet we’ll be in a bed, and instead of a girlfriend it’ll be my hand, and instead of 7 minutes it’ll be 30 seconds.

Why is 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve?

Because 9, 8, 7.

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year’s Eve.

But he forgot to planet.

I have to work New Year’s Eve.

But I’m not upset, after work I have the rest of the year off.

Spending New Year’s Eve at home in front of TV is pathetic!

So we sit sideways.

Jokes About New Year’s Eve

If you enjoyed these jokes about New Year’s Eve, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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