December Jokes And Puns

December is our favorite month, what with Christmas and New Year’s Eve, so to help celebrate with laughter, here’s a collection of funny December jokes and puns!

Header image for a page of funny December jokes and puns.

Funny December Jokes

I’m an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December…

I’m eggnogstic.

Statistics show that the average person makes love 89 times per year.

Looks like I’m in for a pretty wild December.

It makes no sense that October isn’t the eighth month of the year and December isn’t the tenth month.

Whoever messed that up should be stabbed.

I recently became a Buddhist but I still celebrate Christmas.

So when December comes around I sit under the Christmas tree, wrap myself in wrapping paper and live in the present.

Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.

“The 24th of December is Christmas Eve”

“No it isn’t, Adam.”

Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve.

December 31st.

What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

Did you know December 23 is a holiday too?

Its Christmas Adam. Because Adam came before Eve.

Buying all Christmas presents in early December…

Is advent-ageous.

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in December?

The specific ocean.

December is the worst time of the year for someone who is…

Claus-trophobic.

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

Apparently, you can only see the ghost of Santa on December 25th.

That’s when he reveals his presents.

Why was Mariah Carey sad when she was gifted a piece of land last December?

She didn’t want a lot for Christmas.

What do cows do on December 31st?

Celebrate Moo Years Eve of course!

How many seconds are there in a year?

Twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd & December 2nd.

What do truckers celebrate in December?

The haul-idays.

Any military battle fought on December 25th…

Is a war on Christmas.

My boss didn’t give me a single weekend off this December.

He’s a sleigh driver.

A young American couple are walking through Moscow on an unseasonably warm December night.

They feel a slight precipitation.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“No, I’m quite sure that’s snow,” replies the woman.

“How about we ask the guard?” The man suggests.

“Oh, Officer Olph? He was quite snappy with us last night… but alright”.

“Excuse me, officer, is it raining or snowing?” The man asks.

“Rain,” the officer curtly replies, turning away from them.

“See,” says the man, “Rude Olph the red knows rain, dear.”

In December, two blondes in a forest are looking for a Christmas tree.

They go all around the forest for hours.

Then one of them says, “I’m tired and fed up with the searching – let’s take some tree without the decoration.”

Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.

Unlike me, it had a date on New Year’s Eve.

From the death notice of a local newspaper: After a very hard and painful life, Mr. Miller finally found his peace…

The funeral of his wife Mathilda will take place on the 26th of December.

Jokes About December

If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about December, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: