Santa Claus Jokes And Puns

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

Not just because you put the decorations up and give each other presents, but because you get to pull out all the old favorite Santa Claus jokes and puns again! So with that in mind, LaffGaff proudly present their collection of funny Santa Claus jokes. We hope you enjoy them!

Header image for a page of funny Santa Claus jokes and one liners.

Funny Santa Claus Jokes & One Liners

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker.

Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?

Santa Paws.

How much did Santa Claus pay for his sleigh?

Nothing, it was on the house.

What’s Santa’s favorite pizza?

One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

Why is Santa so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Where does Santa stay when he goes on holiday?

At a ho-ho-ho-tel.

Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?

Santa Claws.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it soots him.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claus-trophobic.

What do you call Santa’s helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?

So he can ho-ho-ho.

Santa Claus has the right idea.

Visit people once a year.

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

What do you call a smelly Santa?

Farter Christmas.

That awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf-esteem.

Who is Santa’s favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley.

What goes oh oh oh?

Santa walking backwards.

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an elf farm.

Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws.

What did Santa say to the man when he lit a cigarette?

Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf.

Where does Santa Claus keep his money?

In a snow bank.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues.

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

Santapplause.

What kind of bike does Santa Claus ride?

A Holly Davidson.

Santa went to see the doctor and told him he had a mince pie stuck up his bottom.

The doctor said, “I’ve got some cream for that.”

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?

Sandy Claws.

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door.

Where does Santa go when he’s sick?

To the elf centre.

What do you say to Santa when he’s taking the register at school?

Present.

There were two biscuits, on a plate, all ready for Santa to eat.

One biscuit decided to go and hide in the biscuit tin as it didn’t want to get eaten.

As it was going to the kitchen, Santa came in and stood on it.

All the other biscuit could say was ‘Crumbs’.

What goes red white red white red white?

Santa rolling down a hill.

What is Santa’s favorite drink?

Beer-d.

What do you call Santa when he doesn’t move?

Santa Pause.

Where does Santa go to learn to slide down chimneys?

The chimnasium.

How do you know Santa’s a man?

No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.

What did Santa say to all the toys on Christmas Eve?

Alright everybody, time to hit the sack.

What’s red and white and goes up and down and up and down?

Santa Claus in an elevator.

What is red and white and black all over?

Santa Claus covered in soot after coming down the chimney.

What did Santa say to his wife when he looked out of the window?

Looks like rain-dear.

How does Santa take photographs?

With a North Pole-aroid Camera.

Jokes About Santa Claus

If you enjoyed our funny Santa Claus jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and laughs. And be sure to check out our other fun Christmas jokes and humor, as well as our other pages of Christmas fun, such as these:

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