Funny Christmas Gifts Jokes

The greatest gift we could give you this holiday season is these funny Christmas gifts jokes and puns! Have fun unwrapping them!

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Christmas Gifts Jokes

My wife said to me that if I got her another stupid gift this Christmas, she would burn it.

So I bought her a candle.

I just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

I have a talent where I can see inside wrapped Christmas presents.

It’s a gift.

The only Christmas gift I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

When I asked my wife what she wanted she said she’d be happy with anything with lots of diamonds in it.

She’s going to love this pack of playing cards I’ve bought her.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get a Christmas present?

Because the rest of the letters were not-E.

I bought my husband a pug as a Christmas present.

Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like him.

The sweater my wife got me for Christmas kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one free of charge.

My wife has set a limit on how much we spend on each other this Christmas.

It’s $50 on me, and $1,000 on her.

For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

It’s the little things that count.

Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present.

And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential.

Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, “I don’t want a lot for Christmas!”

I asked my son what he wants me to get him for Christmas.

He said, “Google Glasses!”

I said, “OK, but I already know what glasses are!”

I recently became a Buddhist but I still celebrate Christmas.

So when December comes around I sit under the Christmas tree, wrap myself in wrapping paper and live in the present.

What’s a Christmas present’s favorite sport?

Boxing.

“Dad, why do you always wrap my Christmas gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to… make my presents felt.

What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?

A broken drum. You can’t beat it.

Ironman’s favorite Christmas present this year were rockets he can fire from his feet.

He calls them missile toes.

Santa is nearby…

I can feel his presents.

If you’re struggling to think of a Christmas present to buy for someone…

Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

My son asked me if I peeked at my presents early this year.

I told him that I had Clausible deniability.

What do you call the terms and conditions on a Christmas present?

Santa clauses.

My friend bought me a telekinetic abacus for Christmas.

It wasn’t my favorite present, but it’s the thought that counts.

My buddy just gave me glass cookware from Jamaica as a Christmas present.

It is Pyrex of the Caribbean.

Darth Vader knows what you’re getting for Christmas.

He felt your presents.

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new purse for Christmas.

She said, “Thanks for the Baghdad.”

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.

Why didn’t Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?

Because he was on the Nautilus.

To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present…

They’re due back at the library today.

More Christmas Fun

If you enjoyed our hilarious Christmas present jokes, be sure to check out the rest of our Christmas fun pages, including these: