Bat Jokes And Puns

We were going to try and come up with some bat puns for this introduction, but we decided to just wing it! That doesn’t mean these bat jokes aren’t hilarious though. No, you’d bat-ter believe it – these are the best bat jokes around! So enjoy!

A collection of funny bat jokes to get your teeth into!

Best Bat Jokes & Puns

Did you know bats are the only flying mammal in the world? That batty fact is nearly amazing as these funny bat jokes. Enjoy them!

What’s the first thing bats learn at school?

The alpha-bat.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a vampire bat?

Love at first byte.

What do you call a bat in a belfry?

A dingbat.

Why do vampire bats drink blood?

Because coffee keeps them awake at night.

How does a girl vampire flirt?

She bats her eyes.

What animal is best at hitting a baseball?

A bat.

Why are vampire bats like false teeth?

They both come out at night.

What did the bat say to the vampire?

“You suck”.

What’s the best way to hold a bat?

By the handle.

What do you get if you cross an ice cube with a vampire?

Frost bite.

Why are softball games at night?

Because bats sleep during the day.

What do you get if you cross a bat with a lonely hearts club?

A lot of blind dates.

What do bats do at night?


What do you call a little bat?

A battle.

Why did the vampire need to use mouthwash?

Because he had bat breath.

Where do bats keep their money?

In the blood bank.

What did one bat say to another?

Let’s hang around together.

How does a vampire enter his house?

Through the bat flap.

How do vampires carry their books to school?

In their bat pack..

What does a vampire use to bake cakes?


What did the young vampire’s mom say to him when he answered back?

Watch your battitude.

What’s printed in the newspapers when a vampire dies?

An obatuary.

Where do vampires practice baseball?

In batting cages.

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

“OK, follow me” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good” said the bat, “Because I sure didn’t!”

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a cow?

A hamburger that bites back.

What do you say to a vampire who’s just found a donor?


Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?

Their bats flew away.

Where do vampires take a shower?

In the bat room.

How does Dracula keep fit?


What do little witches like to play at school?

Bats cradle.

How do bats fly without bumping into anything?

They use their wing mirrors.

Three pastors were having lunch at a diner.

The first one said, “You know, since the summer started I’ve been having a lot of trouble with bats in the loft and attic at my church. I’ve tried everything – noise, spray, cats – nothing seems to scare them away.”

The second pastor replied, “Me too. I’ve got hundreds of those things living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I had the whole place fumigated, but they still won’t go away.”

The third pastor then said, “I had that problem a while ago. So I baptized them and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since!”

What is a vampire’s favorite sport?


More Funny Jokes & Puns

If you enjoyed this collection of funny bat jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny animal jokes as well as our other Halloween jokes too, including these:

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