Funny One Liner Jokes

A collection of hilariously funny one liners!Here at LaffGaff, we love funny one liner jokes. It's always amazing to us how so much wit and double meaning can be encapsulated in such short jokes. That though is the beauty of good one liners. As Wikipedia puts it "a good one liner is said to be pithy." Below we've gathered together a collection of the most hilarious one liners we could find - these aren't just good one liners, they're great one liners!

We hope you enjoy them as much as us... and if you do, check out our dirty one liners too.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything".

Say what you want about deaf people...

I've spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no-one will do it.

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back what you've lost is a pigeon.

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk.

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought "Dogs are easily amused", then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.

PMS jokes are not funny or appropriate. Period!

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.

Where there's a will, there's a relative.

Hedgehogs, eh? Why can't they just share the hedge?

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.

Velcro - what a rip-off!

My friend keeps trying to convince me that he's a compulsive liar but I don't believe him.

It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers.

My wife told me sex is better on holiday... that wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

Hilarious One Liners JokesFunny One Liners

If you liked our selection of funny one liner jokes, check out our the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes with loads more of the best one liner jokes, including these: