Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help Laughing At

Some bad jokes are so awful you just have to laugh. And as laughter is our favorite thing, we’ve gathered together the best (the worst?) really bad jokes for you. And we mean really bad! We bet you still laugh though. So enjoy these awfully bad jokes.

A selection of jokes that are really bad, so bad you'll have to laugh!

60 Really Bad Jokes

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot.

I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka, gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor.

I didn’t have a good reason.

I just needed something to lift my spirits.

What’s the best time to go to the dentist?


Why does Piglet smell?

Because he plays with Pooh.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

I write songs about sewing machines.

I’m a Singer songwriter.

What are a ninja’s favorite type of shoe?


Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

How do astronomers organize a party?

They planet.

Why was the butter not made right away?

It had to wait its churn.

How do you know when you’re going to drown in milk?

When it’s past your eyes.

Last night I dreamed that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Seven has “even” in it.

That’s odd.

Our wedding was so beautiful even the cake was in tiers.

I was so bored that I memorized 6 pages of the dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

What did one plate say to the other?

Lunch is on me.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint.

I got a job as a human cannonball.

But they fired me straight away.

How do you make anti-freeze?

Take away her blanket.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You’re too young to be smoking.

I was named after my dad.

Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu, you need tweet-ment. If you have swine fly, you need oink-ment.

I love playing catch with my kids.

But after I dropped one we have to use a ball now.

Why don’t dinosaurs talk?

Because they’re dead.

What does a martial arts expert drink?


Why do they put fences around graveyards?

Because people are dying to get in.

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.

Why did  Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?

Because she kept running from the ball.

Some cities have bathrooms that you pay to use.

You could say they are charging a pee-mium.

Why do ghosts love elevators?

Because they lift their spirits.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?


What’s a frog’s favorite drink?

Croak-a Cola.

How many lives does a German cat have?


What’s a dentist’s favorite musical instrument?

A tuba toothpaste.

Did you hear about that new movie called Constipation?

No? That’s because it’s not out yet.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

What do you call the security guards outside the Samsung factory?

The Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you call a horse who likes arts and crafts?

A hobby horse.

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

Who writes ghost stories?

A ghost writer.

How do you catch a bra?

With a booby trap.

If I have twin daughters I’ll name one Kate.

And the other Duplikate.

What did the tie say to the neck?

I think I’ll just hang around.

I instantly regretted getting my hair cut short.

But I’ll admit, it’s starting to grow on me now.

What do you call a crab that plays baseball?

A pinch hitter.

What’s the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

When I was young my dad told me that I could be anything that I wanted. He said, the sky is the limit.

That made me sad though.

I wanted to be an astronaut.

What is the best way to send somebody an encyclopedia?

A facts machine.

I’m thinking of starting my own business as a watchmaker.

That way I can set my own hours.

What are goosebumps for?

To slow geese down.

What do you call a teenager who can do anything?

A canteen.

Why did dad get angry when the window was broken?

Because it was a pane to replace.

Why did dad get angry when the mirror was broken?

Because it reflected poorly on him.

My ex wife drowned in coffee.

It was a terrible way to go, but I’m just glad it was instant.

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, then what is C for?

Plastic explosives.

It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails.

But when it does, no one is shocked.

When my dad died he left me his Subaru.

It was his final Legacy.

My wife gave me an ultimatum.

It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

Once I told a hammer joke.

I nailed it.

More Bad Jokes

If you enjoyed these really bad jokes, have a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more lame jokes, including these:

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