Funny Welder Jokes

Welder jokes are hot! As the saying goes, a good welder can weld anything from the crack of dawn to a broken heart.

They’re still the butt of a lot of jokes though, and we’ve put together this collection of funny welder jokes in honor of all the welders out there.

A collection of funny welder jokes

How many welders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Nobody knows, it’s not in their job description.


This welder was on a plane when it suddenly started suffering mechanical problems. The flight attendant started passing out parachutes and when she got to the welder she asked him if he wanted one.

He replied, “Nah, I’ve got my welding lead with me. It’ll get tangled up on something before we hit the ground.”


Why do they only give welders ten minute breaks?

Any longer and they’d have to retrain them.


A man answered an ad that read, “Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour.”

When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.

He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.

When the boss asked him why he did this, he replied, “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr.”


Three welders walk out of a bar…

Hey, it could happen!


Anyone need an ark welder?

I Noah guy.


It’s sometime in the future and this guy walks into a brain store to buy a brain.

The shopkeeper asks him what he can do for him and the man says, “I’d like a brain, please.”

The shopkeeper says, “Well, I’ve got three brains to choose from. First, here’s a doctor’s brain that costs two thousand dollars. And second, here’s a lawyer’s brain. It costs three thousand dollars. Lastly, I’ve got a welders brain which is ten thousand dollars.”

The guy replies, “You’ve got to be kidding me! Why is the welder’s brain so expensive?”

The shop keeper says, “But sir, it’s hardly been used.”


How do iron workers order their steak?

Weld done.


What kind of music do welders like?

Heavy metal.


These two welders are helping a friend fit out his new store ready for opening. They take a break sitting in the window of the shop.

The first welder says, “You watch. I bet some old fogey comes up and asks us what we’re selling.”

Sure enough, a little old lady walks up to the window and asks them what they’re selling.

“We’re selling assholes,” replies the first welder sarcastically, much to the amusement of his friend.

The little old lady says, “You must be doing well – you’ve only got two left!”


What do you say to a guy with an I.Q. of 22?

Nice weld.


What do you say to a guy with an IQ of 10?

Grind that weld.


Welders do it in all positions.


What do welders and wheel barrows have in common?

They’re hard to push around and easily upset.


How many welders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Welders aren’t afraid of the dark.


When a you have a small baby, how do you tell if they will grow up to be a welder or a welder’s helper?

Put them in a chair, if they fall asleep they’ll be a helper, if they cry and whine they’ll be a welder.


You can always tell an old pipe welder.

You just can’t tell him much.


An evil genie captured a welder and two of his friends and banished them to the desert for a week.

But first, the genie allowed each person to choose one thing to take with them.

The first friend chose a water bottle so he wouldn’t die of thirst.

The second friend chose an umbrella to keep the sun off.

The welder chose a car door, so if it got too hot he could roll down the window.


Why do welders make better lovers?

They burn hotter, penetrate deeper and I’ve never seen a gap that a welder couldn’t fill.


How are welders like prostitutes?

You usually find them in awkward places screaming for more rod and more money.


Why do welders laugh three times when you tell them a joke?

Once when you tell it, once when you explain it to them, and once when they understand it.


Why do people take an instant dislike to welders?

To save time later.


How many welder jokes are there?

None, they’re all facts.


Why did the underwater welder get fired?

Because he didn’t work well under pressure.


My wife and I were high school sweethearts.

We met in welding class.

Her and I really bonded.


What do you call a welder who never does their job?

A ne’er-do-weld.


Welder Puns & Jokes

If you enjoyed our collection of funny welder jokes and puns, why not check out the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes and laughs, including our other work jokes, such as these:

A shocking collection of electrical and electrician jokes and puns!
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Our collection of funny truck driver jokes.
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