Ambulance Jokes And Puns

We nee-nor nee-nor nee-nor they’re hilarious but try not to laugh too much at these funny ambulance jokes and puns – we don’t want to have to call you an ambulance because you split your sides!

Header image for a page of funny ambulance jokes and puns.

Funny Ambulance Jokes

Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back.

I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside.

So I decided to call a toe-truck.

Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?

They’re pair-a-medics.

My girlfriend said she’d only marry me if I overcame my ambulance obsession.

I can’t wait to get down on one knee nor knee nor knee nor!

This idiot today thought that just because he has some fancy, expensive vehicle, he could go as fast as he wanted and weave in between cars.

So I got in front of him and slowed down to 10kmph below the speed limit, LMAO.

Freaking ambulance drivers, I swear.

An Xbox One and a PS4 get attacked.

Here comes the ambulance!!!

WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

An ambulance! He’s got a car on his head!

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car.

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says, “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road.”

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, “How do you spell that?”

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone.

“Jack?” says the operator, concerned.

More shuffling and grunting.

“Sorry about that,” says Jack. “I just dragged him round to 1 Oak Street.”

Dad (having an heart attack): Son call me an ambulance…

Son actually calls an ambulance.

Dad dies of disappointment.

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

An ambulance, immediately!

I told the ambulance guys the wrong blood type for my ex.

Now she should understand what rejection feels like.

How many people can ride in an ambulance?

Just a pair-a-medics.

What do you call a kid who finally stood up to the bullies?

An ambulance.

A Mexican man is found unresponsive on the roadway outside Tijuana.

Local authorities call for an ambulance and he is rushed to the nearest hospital.

Unfortunately, the doctors determine that he has consumed a lethal amount of drugs and there is nothing they can do to save him.

He dies within a few minutes and the attending physician marks the cause of death as “1/2”.

Curious, the nurse asks him what this seemingly unrelated fraction has to do with this man’s death.

The doctor responds, “Juan over-dos”.

A man collapses in a busy street.

Someome from the crowd shouts “Somebody call him an ambulance!”

Suddenly, another voice calls out “You’re an ambulance!”

What do you call a guy who just got a leg bitten off by a lion?

An ambulance.

A man rushed to dial 911 one evening when his wife displayed early signs of a stroke.

“Don’t worry, sir,” reassured the dispatcher. “Emergency services are on their way. Just try to remain calm and stay with her until they arrive.”

“How long will the ambulance be?” the man asked.

“About eighteen feet,” replied the dispatcher.

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied, “Sorry! I didn’t recognize you.”

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead.

The other hunter calls 911 immediately.

The operator says, “Can I help you sir?”

The man replies, “I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?”

The operator replies, “Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead.”

There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on, “Okay, what now?”

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby.

A cop approaches the car and says, “Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?”

The man replies, “Check what’s in her mouth!”

What do you call a guy who brings your daughter home late?

An ambulance.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny jokes about ambulances, take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, such as these: