Recovery Jokes

It’s sure to take you a long time to get over these funny recovery jokes! Take it easy, relax, and let laughter be the best medicine!

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Funny Recovery Jokes

I was addicted to soap once.

Now I’m clean.

There is no point in going to an acupuncturist, if you don’t pin your hopes on him for full recovery.

My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.

But I will recover.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers.

I had to quit cold turkey.

I used to be addicted to time travel.

But that’s all in the past now.

What does a law student and a recovering alcoholic have in common?

They both have to pass the bar.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.

I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.

My wife says I’m addicted to auctions but she’s wrong.

I stopped after going once… going twice…

I’m a recovering optimist.

I’m getting worse day by day.

Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?

He is fully recovered.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants.

Guess I won’t be needing those any more.

Two recovering alcoholics decided to write a song together.

They couldn’t get past the first two bars.

The doctor said to me, “I think your arm is broken. I’ll put you in a cast and you’ll recover.”

I said, “That’s great. But I don’t see how being in a movie will help.”

I’ve got a friend who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid.

He says he can stop any time.

A recovering alcoholic asked me if I wanted to hear a joke…

I said “Nah man, I don’t do the dry humor.”

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey…

But I turned myself around.

I used to be addicted to Tide Pods.

But now I’m clean.

My friend is a recovering alcoholic.

“As long as people stop reminding me about alcohol, I’ll be fine,” he declared.

“Yeah!” I said, “That’s the spirit!”

Why do children of recovering alcoholics have such big family reunions?

They have twelve-step-parents.

Why do recovering addicts make good bankers?

They have a lot of experience with withdrawals.

My therapist just told me that my exhibitionism addiction is incurable.

I’ll show her.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny recovery jokes, be sure to check out other funny jokes, such as these: