You’ll be drunk with happiness at these funny AA jokes and puns! Indeed, it may take you a while to recover from them – there’ll not be a dry eye in the house!
Funny AA Jokes
Me: My name is Matt, and I’m an alcoholic.
AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake.
A drunk goes in a bar and asks for a shot of Jim Beam.
The bartender pours it and the drunk pushes it aside and asks for another shot of Jim Beam.
The bartender pours it and the drunk drinks it.
The bartender says, “I watched what you did and I don’t understand why you pushed the first one away and drank the second one!”
The drunk stated, “I’ve been going to those AA Meetings, and they said WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!!!”
My wife told me I had to give up drinking.
So I joined the AA.
Unfortunately, I joined the Automobile Association by mistake.
At least either way I’m on the road to recovery.
The other day I tried to be inspirational by saying, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
And now I’m banned from AA for life.
Why do Canadians call Alcoholics Anonymous triple A?
An Irishman walks into an AA meeting.
Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA meeting.
I’ve never seen Han so low.
AA meeting: “Hi, I’m Chad and I’ve been sober for forty days.”
“Not in a row or anything, just total.”
What were the last words of the fish at the AA meeting?
“Hello, I’m a fish and I’m dry.”
My brother went to his AA meeting drunk, then he tripped down the stairs.
He’s been having lots of trouble with the steps lately.
Why did the anvil get sent to AA?
He was always getting hammered.
Where did the alcoholic battery go?
An AA meeting.
After the AA meeting, the ghost finally admitted it.
He has a boos problem.
I’ve joined Alcoholics Anonymous.
I now drink under a different name.
Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour.
Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.
Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!
How many members of Alcoholics Anonymous does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb has to want to change.
Why shouldn’t you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?
Because all they serve is cold turkey.
I would go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
But everyone already knows.
A sponsor and his sponsee are deserted on an island.
They come upon a bottle.
They rub it and a genie appears and says they each get one wish – whatever they want.
The sponsor says, “I wish I were back with my homegroup.”
POOF! He disappears.
The sponsee paces nervously around, indecisive, anxious, nervous…
Should I ask for money? A woman? A nice boat?
Finally in exasperation he cries out, “I wish my sponsor was here!” POOF!
A scientist interrupts an AA meeting.
“I’ve just invented a cure for alcoholism! Take one of these pills and you’ll never be a problem drinker again!”
An AA asks, “What happens if you take two?”
A member of Alcoholics Anonymous relapsed and ends up getting pulled over for a DUI.
He goes to jail.
He’s so drunk, he’s puked on himself and wet himself as he just lays on the bench in jail.
His sponsor eventually comes to bail him out and asks, “Well, have you learned anything.?”
The guy responds, ” Yeah, I gotta quit driving.”
AA is the biggest ‘Lost and Found’ department in the world.
AA is like an adjustable wrench. It fits every nut.
Two AA’s are talking about what is going to happen to them after they die.
One believes in heaven, the other isn’t so sure so they agree a pact.
The first one to die will come back as a ghost on the anniversary of their death and appear in front of the surviving one to prove whether or not there is an afterlife.
A few years pass and the first AA dies sober.
A year later the surviving AA is sitting in a meeting and he feels a coldness in the air, looks around and sat next to him is the ghost of his old pal. He’s holding a harp, wearing a gold halo and has a couple of white feathered wings on his back.
The ghost turns to his pal and says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a heaven. Bill and Bob are up there and they have AA meetings every week, you’ll love it. The bad news is you’re sharing next Tuesday.”