Funny Addiction Jokes
What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?
My Dad’s addicted to ladders.
He keeps using them to get high.
“Hello everyone, and welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
My wife gave me an ultimatum.
It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was as easy as pie.
I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I love foreign axe scents.
I’m addicted to having money in the bank.
I really do suffer from withdrawals.
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”
She said, “Whatever means necessary,”
I said, “No it doesn’t.”
My wife is threatening to leave me because I’m addicted to wearing a new T-shirt every half an hour.
I said, “Wait! I can change!”
My addiction to helium is out of control, but…
No one is taking my cries for help seriously.
My friend is addicted to pretending to be a nun.
She just can’t lose the habit.
You could say that getting addicted to skiing…
Is a slippery slope.
Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.
Me: Fine. Have it your way.
Why is being a pirate so addictive?
Once you lose the first hand, you’re hooked.
I knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
My wife is addicted to bread dough.
She really kneads it.
I’m addicted to oxygen.
I tried to stop, but within a minute I was feeling blue.
Everyone thinks I’m weird because I’m addicted to ham and pineapple sandwiches.
But that’s just Hawaii roll.
My wife and I have decided never to talk again about my addiction to aviation puns.
It’s a soar subject.
Help! I can’t stop collecting Wonder Woman action figures!
I’m a heroine addict.
My friend said he’s addicted to punching elderly fish.
I said that’s a load of old codswallop.
Some people say I’m addicted to somersaults.
But that’s just how I roll.
My wife accused me of being addicted to golf.
I asked her if it was driving a wedge between us.