You must be psycho if you don’t find these psychology jokes and puns funny – that’s only logical! We recommend you don’t read them (that’s a little reverse psychology for you)!
Funny Psychology Jokes
I’m writing a book about reverse psychology.
Please don’t buy it.
My girlfriend was always preoccupied with being right, so I tried some reverse psychology…
I always cheated on my psychology tests.
I don’t know what that says about me.
I spent four years at college and didn’t learn anything.
It’s really my own fault.
I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
A guy asked a girl in a university library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice, “NO! I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed.
After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy’s table and said, “I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$1,000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT’S TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered, “I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.”
When I told my Dad I was taking 2 psychology courses at once…
He said, “Careful, don’t want to psych yourself out!”
Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.
“What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer.
“Well,” said Johnny, “This is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.”
“Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.”
“Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Johnny said.
“By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer.
My wife has a minor in psychology.
I guess you could say she’s a little…
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, “That’s it.”
My therapist refused to help me with my fear of backing up my car.
She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology.
What’s the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?
That’s just how we roll.
My daughter asked me if she should go for computer science or psychology.
I told her that whatever she chooses, it’s going to be a major difference.
I attended a psychology lecture by a famous professor today.
It was mental.
What do you call an overweight monk reading psychology?
A deep fat friar.
Have you heard of the new psychological therapy for trendy kids?
I wanted to major in reverse psychology.
My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn’t even interested in their stupid program.
They sent me a diploma.
Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture?
He kept calling the professor a quack.
A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students, “Today we’ll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage.”
With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.
“Hello, may I please speak to Dave?” says the professor when the other person answers.
“No, I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” says the person on the other end.
“You see that students, that’s surprise. Now allow me to show you what irritation sounds like.”
He picks up the phone again, and dials the same number.
When it answers, the professor asks, “Hi, can Dave come to the phone?”
“I told you you have the wrong number!”
“That’s irritation, my friends,” says the professor. “Now, let’s look at what rage looks like.”
He picks up the phone and dials the number again.
When it answers he asks, “Is Dave available?”
“LISTEN, YOU IDIOT. IF YOU CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN, I’LL COME OVER, BREAK THAT PHONE IN HALF AND SHOVE IT WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE!!!!!!”
“And that’s rage.”
“Professor, you forgot the fourth stage,” says a young man in the front row.
“And what might that be?” asks the professor.
“It’s called the stage of total confusion. Allow me to demonstrate.”
He comes up to the podium, takes the professor’s phone and dials the same number.
“Hello, this is Dave, has somebody called me today?”
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the student.
“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
“Elation,” she said.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “What about the opposite of woe?”
The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be ‘giddy up’.”
A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz.
One question he asks is, “What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?”
He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. “Miss Callahan!”
The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment, “Professor, I’d rather not answer that question.”
The professor says, “That’s all right, Miss Callahan, you don’t need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?”
He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. “Mr. Hawkins!”
Hawkins says, “Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times.”
The professor says, “That is correct, Mr. Hawkins.”
Then he turns to Miss Callahan.
He says, “Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven’t studied this week’s assignment; and two, I’m afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you.”
I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.
I don’t have a job but at least I know why.
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds.
He enters a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand.
Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.
The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
The patient replied in an irritated fashion, “Can’t you see, I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired, “And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?”
“Oh, that’s my friend. He is a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb,” says his patient.
The doctor asks, “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”
Then the sawing man says with a confused look, “And what … work in the dark?”
My wife and I split up because of psychological reasons.
She was psycho and I was logical.
My doctor tried treating me with ygolohcysp.
But reverse psychology doesn’t work on me.
A new teacher started her psychology class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
My psychology professor asked me what super power I would like to have.
Apparently “Cold War Era Russia” is not an acceptable answer.
A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.
And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten.
They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother.
Jokes About Psychology
If you liked these puns and jokes about psychology, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these: