These funny hangover jokes and puns won’t leave you feeling terrible! In fact, just like the hair of the dog they’re the perfect antidote to the hangover blues!
Funny Hangover Jokes And Puns
What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?
“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”
“What’s this? Will it cure my hangover??” I asked.
“It’s a breathlyzer, sir,” replied the cop. “Please step out of your vehicle.”
My wife came downstairs this morning and laughed, “You had too much to eat yesterday and you’ve got a hangover, haven’t you?!”
“You don’t get a hangover from eating too much!” I challenged.
She said, “You do! For goodness sake, loosen your belt, it’s disgusting!”
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
What do you call a hangover from too much wine?
The Wrath of Grapes.
What’s the best thing for a hangover?
Drink heavily the night before.
Last Saturday morning I was woken up by my neighbor’s mower going at 7 in the morning.
I had a terrible hangover so I thought, “Screw him, he can cut around me.”
I always eat Greek food to cure my hangover but it never works.
I still falafel.
How does Dr. Dre get rid of his hangovers?
Hair of the Snoop Dogg.
What did the drunkard ask his friend?
Can I hangover at your house?
Confucius say, “Man with large beer belly have perpetual hangover.”
A man wakes up in his bed with a terrible hangover.
He looks to his bedside table and finds some ibuprofen and a glass of water.
He glances around the bedroom and sees that it is cleaner than usual and his work clothes are laid out.
He pops the ibuprofen and washes it down with water, and finds a note stuck to the bottom of the glass that read:
“Hey, honey, I ran to the store, there’s breakfast downstairs, I’ll be right back XOXO.”
Upon getting dressed and getting his wits, he goes downstairs to find that everything is immaculate.
He enters the dining room to find his son at the table eating breakfast, on the table is a buffet of eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit, yogurt, the whole nine yards.
Still foggy and hungover, he plops down at the table, glances around at the pristine home.
His son asks, “How are you feeling?”
“What the hell happened last night?”
“Well, you came home, stumbling drunk. You knocked on your own door, waking everyone up. You knocked over, not one, but two bookcases. You also puked all over yourself while you were puking into the litter box. You were a total mess.”
Dumbfounded and glancing around, he asked, “Then what is all of this? The food, everything is clean, I’m confused!”
“Oh, yeah, well, mom was trying to take your sick-covered clothes off and put you to bed, and as she was taking your pants off, you yelled, ‘GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, WOMAN!!! I’M A MARRIED MAN!'”
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand.”
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, “And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!”
The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he’s the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he says, “I don’t know what we’re voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!”
Business was terrible and not picking up.
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said, “Debra, I’ve never done this before, but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”
“Could you jack off?” she says. “I feel terrible.”
A guy calls into work and says he can’t come in because he has a terrible hangover.
The boss says, “Well, when that happens to me, I ask my wife to make love to me, and that usually fixes me right up.”
The guy says okay, he’ll try that.
Later, he comes into work, ready to go.
The boss sees him and says, “So, that worked, didn’t it?”
The guy says, “Yes, it did. By the way, you have a really nice house.”
A group of friends are drinking at a neighborhood bar.
At closing time, one by one each friend says goodbye and leaves.
The last man in the bar finishes his drink, stands up and takes a step towards the door. He immediately falls flat on his face.
Lying on the floor he mumbles to himself, “Dang, I must be more drunk than I thought. Maybe if I crawl towards the door and get some fresh air I’ll feel better.”
So he begins to Army crawl his way to the door. Once he gets there he pulls himself up on the frame pops the door open and takes a deep breath of the cool night air. He instantly feels better and decides he can walk now. Once again he takes one step and falls flat on his face.
“Shoot, I must be worse than I thought!”
He looks down the road at his home, and realizes that if he could Army crawl to door of the bar, he could do the same to his front door. So he painstakingly begins crawling to his home.
About 20 minutes of painstakingly inching himself home he finally makes it. Covered in sweat he decides to try walking again. “I must have burnt off some of the alcohol by now, this should be easy.”
He pulls himself up the frame of his front door, opens it up and takes a step inside. Once again, his face finds the floor immediately.
“Screw this! I just need to sleep this off.” Being defeated he crawls upstairs, pulls himself into bed and drifts into a deep sleep.
The next morning he wakes up to a huge platter of food in front of him with his wife smiling over it.
“Wow Honey! This is great! All my favorites; eggs, bacon, sausage, and coffee! Why did you do this?”
His wife lovingly responds, “Well I figured you would have a rough hangover and would need a pick me up.”
The husband, confused by this asked, “I’m glad you’re not mad that I was out so late, but how did you know I was going to be so hungover and would have a rough morning?”
“Well, the bartender called. You left your wheelchair at the bar last night.”
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddie who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud says, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”
Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?”
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great! No hangover! No bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings… It’s Jim.
Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”
Bud says, “I feel great. How about you?”
Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”
Bud says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff. No hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”
“Yeah, well there’s just one thing…”
“Have you farted yet?”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in PHOENIX!!!”