According to the Bible (Judges 9:13), “Wine cheereth God and man” and who are we to disagree? Indeed, we doubt anyone will whine about these funny wine quotes! In fact, you’ll probably all be grapeful for the amusement they offer! Enjoy!
Funny Wine Quotes
Below are all our favorite funny wine quotes. We hope you enjoy them as much as we do.
They say a glass of wine is good for you. So two glasses must be better?
Unknown
Life is too short, and I’m Italian. I’d much rather eat pasta and drink wine than be a size 0.
Sophia Bush
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
Eduardo Galeano
When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does – faked it.
Art Buchwald
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
Samuel Johnson
The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.
Benjamin Franklin
A good general rule is to state that the bouquet is better than the taste, and vice versa.
Stephen Potter
Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it.
Frank Muir
Beer is made by men, wine by God.
Martin Luther
I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
Unknown
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others.
Samuel Johnson
Wine hath drowned more men than the sea.
Thomas Fuller
Hide our ignorance as we will, an evening of wine soon reveals it.
Heraclitus
Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Benjamin Franklin
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humor and English wine.
Peter Ustinov
Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
Joan Collins
Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.
Brandon Sanderson
Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy.
Henry Fielding
A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition.
Rudyard Kipling
I will drink milk when cows eat grape.
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Pope John XXIII
I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often – but I’m well preserved.
Rose Kennedy
It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man’s desire. Indeed it will in a dull man.
John Osborne
Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.
Alexander Fleming
I spent ninety percent of my money on wine, women and song and just wasted the other ten percent.
Ronnie Hawkins
Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes, the special occasion is that you’ve got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge.
Hester Browne
Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.
Gina Barreca
Great wine requires a mad man to grow the vine, a wise man to watch over it, a lucid poet to make it, and a lover to drink it.
Salvador Dali
Compromises are for relationships, not wine.
Sir Robert Scott Caywood
No wine can be regarded as unimportant, my friend, since the marriage at Cana.
Graham Greene
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
I should say upfront that I have never been in a cellar in my life. In fact, I can see no reason why anyone should ever go into a cellar unless there is wine involved.
Rachel Hawkins
Life’s too short to drink cheap wine.
Cliff Hakim
The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.
Craig Ferguson
“Never cook with a wine you wouldn’t drink,” he said. “Though I guess that presupposes that there is a wine I wouldn’t drink.”
Lev Grossman
White wine is like electricity. Red wine looks and tastes like a liquefied beefsteak.
James Joyce
If this was the best wine that Jim and Nora could afford or, worse, if this was their idea of a good wine – well, sadly, then they were better off dead.
Dean Koontz
Funny Quotes About Wine
If you enjoyed these funny wine quotes, why not check out all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these:
