Funny Wine Quotes & Sayings

According to the Bible (Judges 9:13), “Wine cheereth God and man” and who are we to disagree? Indeed, we doubt anyone will whine about these funny wine quotes! In fact, you’ll probably all be grapeful for the amusement they offer! Enjoy!

A collection of funny wine quotes

Funny Wine Quotes

Below are all our favorite funny wine quotes. We hope you enjoy them as much as we do.

They say a glass of wine is good for you. So two glasses must be better?


Life is too short, and I’m Italian. I’d much rather eat pasta and drink wine than be a size 0.

Sophia Bush

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.

Eduardo Galeano

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does – faked it.

Art Buchwald

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

Samuel Johnson

The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.

Benjamin Franklin

A good general rule is to state that the bouquet is better than the taste, and vice versa.

Stephen Potter

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it.

Frank Muir

Beer is made by men, wine by God.

Martin Luther

I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.


Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others.

Samuel Johnson

Wine hath drowned more men than the sea.

Thomas Fuller

Hide our ignorance as we will, an evening of wine soon reveals it.


Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Benjamin Franklin

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humor and English wine.

Peter Ustinov

Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.

Joan Collins

Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.

Brandon Sanderson

Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy.

Henry Fielding

A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition.

Rudyard Kipling

I will drink milk when cows eat grape.

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Pope John XXIII

I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often – but I’m well preserved.

Rose Kennedy

It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man’s desire. Indeed it will in a dull man.

John Osborne

Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.

Alexander Fleming

I spent ninety percent of my money on wine, women and song and just wasted the other ten percent.

Ronnie Hawkins

Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes, the special occasion is that you’ve got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge.

Hester Browne

Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.

Gina Barreca

Great wine requires a mad man to grow the vine, a wise man to watch over it, a lucid poet to make it, and a lover to drink it.

Salvador Dali

Compromises are for relationships, not wine.

Sir Robert Scott Caywood

No wine can be regarded as unimportant, my friend, since the marriage at Cana.

Graham Greene

What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

George Carlin

I should say upfront that I have never been in a cellar in my life. In fact, I can see no reason why anyone should ever go into a cellar unless there is wine involved.

Rachel Hawkins

Life’s too short to drink cheap wine.

Cliff Hakim

The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.

Craig Ferguson

“Never cook with a wine you wouldn’t drink,” he said. “Though I guess that presupposes that there is a wine I wouldn’t drink.”

Lev Grossman

White wine is like electricity. Red wine looks and tastes like a liquefied beefsteak.

James Joyce

If this was the best wine that Jim and Nora could afford or, worse, if this was their idea of a good wine – well, sadly, then they were better off dead.

Dean Koontz

Funny Quotes About Wine

If you enjoyed these funny wine quotes, why not check out all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these:

More Drinking Humor