Gambling Jokes

Gambling is great fun as long as you’re sensible and we bet you love these funny gambling jokes and puns! In fact, the odds are that you’ll think we’re on to a winner with them! Enjoy!

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Funny Gambling Jokes & Puns

My girlfriend says she’s going to leave me because I have a gambling problem.

But I think she’s bluffing.

A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows.

I think he has a gamboling problem.

My shovel had a gambling addiction.

I had to stop him before he dug himself a deeper hole.

You know what would make gambling hotlines better?

Make every 5th call a winner.

What do you call a professional poker player who broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

A guy with a gambling addiction walks into a butchers and says to the butcher, “I bet you $500 you can’t get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder”

The butcher says, “I can’t take that bet, the steaks are too high.”

Someone has been spreading rumors I have a gambling addiction.

I’m not sure who, but my money’s on Steve.

I got asked to leave the casino the other night.

They said I had a chip on my shoulder.

I was walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop.

What are the odds on that?

Why is gambling illegal in China?

Because they hate Tibet.

A gambling gardener usually hedges his bets.

What did the gambling addicts name their daughter?

Betty.

I’m going to an ABBA themed poker night.

The winner takes it all.

Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet.

Because I lost my car in poker last night.

A small man admitted himself to rehab with a gambling addiction.

It’s okay.

He’s a little better.

I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.

Maybe I should quit while I’m a head.

A queen was caught gambling.

She had a royal flush.

What do you call someone greater at gambling than you?

A better better.

I gambled on a giraffe race the other day.

Mine came second.

Lost by a neck.

It was nowhere near.

My friend’s gambling is getting out of hand.

He’s just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.

I thought, “I might have to raise him.”

People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought our family closer.

We now live in a one bedroom unit.

Why don’t vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.

What does a gambling addict call heaven?

Pair-a-dice.

I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first.

It was a punt.

I went to the casino and saw a sign saying, “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.

I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number.

When they answered I said, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?”

Why is there no gambling in Africa?

Too many cheetahs.

What did the dealer say to the deck of cards?

I can’t deal with you anymore.

Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker?

They always fold.

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