We’d tell you one of our construction jokes but we’re still working on it! We’re joking obviously – we’ve got a loads of construction jokes already fully built and tested for hilarity.
Here’s our selection of the very best funny construction jokes and construction worker jokes for you to enjoy.
Best Construction Jokes
This arrogant young guy has recently started work at a construction site and ever since he started he’s been bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his superior strength. He’s been making fun of one of the older workmen in particular.
Eventually, the older worker has had enough and says, “Tell you what – why don’t you put your money where your mouth is? I’ll bet you a week’s wages that I can take something over to that other building in this wheelbarrow and you won’t be able to wheel it back.”
The young guy laughs confidently, “You’re on, old man. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
So the old guy grabs the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, he nods to the young man as he says with a smile, “Alright. Get in.”
I watched a documentary about how they fix steelwork together last night.
Riveting!
These two blonde carpenters are working on a house. The one who’s nailing down the timber keeps reaching into his nail pouch for nails and every time he pulls one out he either throws it over his shoulder or nails it in.
The other worker is intrigued by this and eventually asks him, “Why do you keep throwing those nails away?”
The first worker replies, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, then I throw it away because it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!”
The second blonde is amazed at the other guy’s stupidity and yells at him, “You idiot! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”
Why is Christmas day just like a day at a construction site?
You end up doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit takes all the credit.
I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.
Turned out to be a pyramid scheme.
I used to date a steam-roller driver.
She was such a flatterer.
The gay bar in our town burned down last night.
The blaze was attended by 80 firefighters.
And 40 Native American Indians, 30 construction workers and 20 cowboys.
I went into my local DIY superstore yesterday and said to a member of staff, “Where can I find some hammers, nails, a trowel and a bag of cement?”
He replied, “They’re all under ‘Construction’.”
I said, “Oh, well where will they be when they’re finished?”
I’m working on a joke about road construction.
Give me a few months to lay it all out.
A Russian, a Mexican, and a Chinese man all show up to a construction site and get hired.
The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Chinese man is in charge of supplies.
The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.
He walks over to the Russian, and all the concrete mix is stacked up nice and orderly. The boss tells him, “Great work!” and moves on.
He walks up to the Mexican and sees that all the wood is stacked in a perfect pile, so he says, “wonderful job!” and moves on.
He then looks around and sees that the Chinese man is missing, and supplies are everywhere. Out of nowhere, the Chinese man jumps out from behind a pile of dirt and yells, “SUPPLIES!”
Today at the construction site we had an accident.
I was hit in the head by a can.
Lucky for me it was a soft drink.
Out of all these modern construction tools …
I think the shovel is the most groundbreaking.
Funny Construction Worker Jokes
These 3 construction workers – an Aussie, an Irishman and an American – are about to have lunch while sitting on the 40th floor of a construction site.
The Aussie opens his lunch box and sees a Vegemite sandwich. He groans and says, “You know what, if my wife makes me another Vegemite sandwich I’m going to jump off this damn building.”
The American then opens his lunch box to find a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He says to the other two guys, “You know what, if my wife makes me another peanut and jelly sandwich I’m jumping off too.”
The Irishman then opens his lunch box and sees a ham sandwich. He in turn says to the other two, “If I get another ham sandwich I’m jumping as well.”
The next day at lunch the Aussie opens his lunch box to discover another Vegemite sandwich so, true to his word, he jumps.
The American opens his lunch box too and sees another peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so he also jumps off.
The Irishman then opens his lunch box and finds another ham sandwich. So he also jumps too.
The funeral is a week later and all their wives are gathered together in a circle crying.
The wife of the Aussie says “Why, oh why, did I only make him Vegemite sandwiches? I could have changed it at least once and he’d still be here.”
The American wife says “I should have made a different sandwich and not forced him to have the same one every day.”
The wife of the Irishman stands back in confusion, looks at the other two women and says, “I don’t understand it – he always made his own lunch.”
How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof!
This contractor guy dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday. He ascends to heaven where he’s greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.
Saint Peter shakes the guys hand warmly, and says “Congratulations!”
The contractor is a little confused. “Congratulations for what?” he asks.
“Congratulations for what!?” says Saint Peter. “We’re celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.”
The contractor says, “But that’s not right – I only lived to be 40.”
“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter. “We added up your time sheets!”
I never wanted to believe my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home all the signs were there.
This young city worker is sitting at the bar after work one night, when this big construction worker sits down next to him.
They get to talking over their beers and eventually the conversation gets on to nuclear war.
The young city guy says to the construction worker, “If you hear the sirens go off, the missiles are on their way, and you’ve only got 20 minutes left to live, what would you do?”
The construction worker replies, “That’s easy – I’m gonna make it with anything that moves.”
The construction worker then asks the other guy what he’d do.
He replies, “I’m going to try and keep perfectly still.”
Why did the nosey roofer do such a bad job?
He kept eavesdropping.
A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt.
The bartender asks, “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says, “One beer for me, and one for the road.”
How can you tell a construction worker from a chemist?
You ask him to pronounce “Unionized.”
Two construction workers are working on a street one day when the first worker turns to the second and says, “I don’t want to work anymore. I will act crazy so the manager sends me home early.”
He then proceeds to tie himself by the feet and swings around shouting, “I’m a light bulb, I’m a light bulb!”
Sure enough, the manager tells him to go home.
The second worker, seeing the success his friend had, decides to start packing up his things.
The manager asks, “What do you think you are doing? The work isn’t finished yet!”
To which, the second worker responds, “How am I supposed to see without a light bulb?”
A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis but being a dedicated employee he went to work.
The boss felt sorry for him and didn’t want him to do any physical labor although they were repairing a part of the freeway.
He said to the worker, “Why don’t you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?”
The worker is glad for the easy day and does as instructed. He stops the first vehicle that comes along. “Sir,” he whispers, his throat feeling worse, “Please slow down, there’s a road crew up ahead.”
“Okay,” the driver whispers back, “I’ll try not to wake them.”
What type of construction are dogs good at?
Roofing.
An older nun, who was living in a convent next to a construction site, noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
So, she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers and teach them the way of the Lord.
She put her sandwiches in a brown bag and walked to the spot where the men were eating.
She walked up to the group and asked, “Do any of you men know Jesus Christ?”
They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”
One of the steelworkers yelled down, “Why?”
The worker yelled back, “Because his mom’s here with his lunch.”
Construction worker discharged after accusation of murder.
There was no concrete evidence.
A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite. At lunch time notices a coworker with a thermos.
He asks him what it is. The worker says, “It’s a thermos. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”
The hillbilly is impressed so he gets one and brings it in the next day.
His coworker notices and says, “Oh, I see you got a thermos of your own. What’s in it?”
The hillbilly says, “Chilli for lunch and two scoops of ice cream for dessert.”
Seven construction men are all working at the roadside…
That’s the joke…
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of funny construction jokes and construction worker jokes, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more work jokes and other laughs, such as these:
