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Funny Gym Jokes
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.
I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
He said, “Try the ATM outside.”
Honestly, I don’t mind leg day at the gym.
It’s just the two days after that I can’t stand.
I go to the gym religiously.
About twice a year around the holidays.
I started a new job recently and my fiance asked me if there was a gym in my building.
I said, not sure I haven’t met everyone yet. She was not amused.
My girlfriend and I haven’t gone to the gym in over a year.
Our relationship isn’t working out.
I just saw real a real idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
I just joined a gym for religious minorities.
While I was at the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.
People started giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Did you hear about the pants that just came back from the gym?
They were ripped.
Why doesn’t Waldo go to the gym?
Because no one can spot him.
A man in my gym just proposed and she said no.
They didn’t workout.
I always avoid the gym for the first 3 weeks of the year.
Which is really no different than what I do on the other 49 weeks.
When I canceled my gym membership…
I had to hand in my too weak notice.
Where is the gym located at Hogwarts?
Right through the Dumbbell Door.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today.
That’s 7 years in a row now.
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting.
It’s not my strong suit.
The guys at the gym called me a fat loser.
It’s really great how they notice my effort.
A girl saw her boyfriend flirting with other girls at the gym.
She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To work on his pecks.
I was working out my calves at the gym today.
The instructor said, “How did you get those cows here?”
Why do Uber drivers skip the gym?
Because they don’t even Lyft.
Why did the cheddar cheese go to the gym?
To get shredded.
What does a priest do when he goes to the gym?
What did the superhero with a lisp say after going to the gym?
Why don’t ghosts go into gyms?
Because people are exorcising.
I’ve been going to gym a lot lately.
I’ve been working out on the stationary bike, but it doesn’t look like it’s getting me anywhere.
I’ve opened a gym, where the instructors would go from door to door, to tell people about the benefits of joining it.
I’ve named it Jehovah’s Fitness.
Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk.
Everyone in the room stopped to listen.
Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?
Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?
Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.
Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one that I really liked.
Man: How much?
Man: OK, but for that price I want it with all options.
Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on market. They are asking $980,000 for it.
Man: Well, then go ahead and offer $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go to the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want.
Woman: OK. See you later! I love you too much!
Man: Bye, I love you too.
The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turned and asked: Anyone know whose phone is this?
Seven bodybuilders have been found dead in a gym.
Police are on the look for the mass murderer.
I broke up with my gym.
We were just not working out.
Why teddy bears don’t go to the gym?
They don’t wanna get ripped.
I got hired at a gym recently as a personal trainer but it wasn’t working out.
I had to put in my too weak notice.
So I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
He said, “How flexible are you?”.
I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays”.
How did the duck get into the gym?
I don’t know, but it worked out.
I forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today.
I guess I should’ve prepared whey in advance.
I go to the gym so infrequently…
I still call it James.
There’s a new machine at my gym. I used it for an hour and felt sick.
It’s really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year’s resolution was.
She replied, “Screw you!”
So I’m pretty excited for the new year!
It’s been 6 months now since I joined the gym and I still haven’t lost any weight.
Maybe it’s time I went down there to see what’s going on.
I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!
The only problem is I’m British.
A man takes off his shirt in the gym.
A blonde comes up to him and says, “Wow what a great chest you have!”
The man replies, “That’s one hundred pounds of dynamite babe.”
The man then takes off his pants.
The blonde says, “Wow! What great calf’s you have!”
The man then replies, “That’s two hundred pounds of dynamite babe.”
The man then takes of his underwear.
The blonde runs off screaming in fear.
When the man catches up to her he asks, “Why did you run away?”
The blonde replies, “I didn’t wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!”
I went to my local self defense gym and asked if I can take two classes today.
They said, “No, you can taekwondo.”
The police were called to a female gym.
The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
“Please, come quickly,” ahe said in horror. “We’ve found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!”
“Don’t worry,” the policeman said reassuringly, “We’ll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There’s nothing to worry about anymore.”
The gym manager nodded, relieved, “And what about the hole in the wall?”
“Rest assured,” the other police officer said. “We’ll be looking into it.”
A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him.
Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist, which they do.
When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says, “I need to get something off my chest.”
My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.
They didn’t believe I bought a gym membership.
Two guys meet at the gym to play handball.
They start changing, and one guy notices his friend is wearing a sexy black bra.
He says, “When did you start wearing that?”
The other guy says, “Right after my wife found it in my car.”
What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?
Gym bro #1: “Bro, we’re out of protein powder.”
Gym bro #2: “No whey!”
My first time in the gym went really well!
I did 20 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes on the defibrillator and 3 days in hospital!
My first week in the gym was great. I lost 10 lbs already.
I have no idea where I put those weights.
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates.
“Thank goodness!!! He’s not my husband,” she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he’s passing.
“He’s not my husband either,” she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
“Wait a minute!!!” she says. “He’s not even a member of this club!”
Why do you need patience at the gym?
Because there is a lot of weighting.
I’m like a ninja at the gym.
Because you’ll never see me there.
I’ve been squatting at the gym.
I sleep in one of the lockers.
So far I haven’t been busted.
I’ve been going to the gym for six weeks now and I have noticed some huge improvements.
For one, they’ve fixed the vending machine.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed giving these funny jokes about the gym a good work out, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, such as these: