Funny teacher jokes are in a class of of their own! A great teacher inspires respect and admiration. But they also know how to laugh too. And so we proudly present this collection of the best teacher jokes ever! We hope you enjoy them.
Best Teacher Jokes
My teacher’s a real joker. She came in to class today and said, “We’ll only have half a day of school this morning.”
When we all cheered, she said, “We’ll have the other half this afternoon.”
What do you call a teacher without students?
My teacher is cross-eyed.
She can’t control her pupils.
I said to my teacher, “I don’t think I deserved zero for this exam.
She said, “I agree, but I couldn’t give you any less.”
Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more they wouldn’t need it.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?
My teacher forgot to take the register today.
What do you do if your teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back.
My teacher wrote everything on the window in class today.
He said he wanted the lesson to be clear.
I went to school with cotton wool in both ears today.
My teacher asked me why.
I said, “You keep saying things go in one ear and out the other, so I’m trying to keep them in.”
My math teacher asked me why I was doing my sums on the floor.
I said, “You told us to do them without using tables.”
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench and said, “Madam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”
Then he smiled as he said, “Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times, ‘I will not pass through a red light.'”
We had an exam in class today and afterwards the teacher said to me, “I hope I didn’t see you looking at John’s answers.”
I said, “I hope so too.”
My teacher said today, “I want you to give me the longest sentence you can think of.”
I said, “Life imprisonment.”
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
My teacher pointed his ruler at me when I was talking in class today and told me there was an idiot at the end of it.
I asked him which end.
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet.
What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
Look at the board and I will go through it again.
When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word.
I’ll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire for the state.
One question said, “Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession.”
The teacher wrote: “July and August.”
What’s a teacher’s favorite form of transport?
My teacher said to me today, “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
I said, “Not really.”
A new teacher, trying to make use of her psychology courses, started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up.”
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”
“No Ma’am, “he said, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
My teacher asked me today, “If your Dad earned $1,000 a week and gave your Mum half, what would she have?”
I said, “A heart attack.”
My teacher told me I failed my exam.
I told them they failed to educate me.
I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere.
Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through.
I asked my teacher for advice when taking my maths exam and he said that you should always read through the paper first.
That’s the last time I listen to him. I was halfway through my horoscope when I heard, “Okay, pencils down.”
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They’re, there, their.
I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class.
I hate being a teacher.
The teacher says to her class one day, “Give me a sentence starting with an ‘I’.”
Little Johnny says, “I is …”
The teacher interrupts and says, “Stop! You never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. You should always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.”
Little Johnny says, “Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
What do you call a teacher who doesn’t fart in public?
A private tooter.
I was sad to hear the Head of Latin at my old Catholic school died yesterday.
A mass will be said for him later today.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
Teacher One Liner Jokes
Math teachers have too many problems.
The school calendar’s days are numbered.
A globe means the world to a Geography teacher.
English teachers never write students off.
My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.
My friend used to teach Computer Science but then he lost his drive.