We think you’ll agree that these funny physics jokes definitely have potential! There’ll definitely be no friction between you and your friends when you share them with them.
So have fun: after all, physics jokes aren’t a dark matter, they’re meant to be enjoyed!
Hilarious Physics Jokes & Puns
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Einstein developed a theory about space.
And it was about time too.
Why is electricity an ideal citizen?
Because it conducts itself so well.
A Higgs Boson walks into church.
The priest says, “You can’t come in here, we don’t allow Higgs Bosons.”
The Higgs Boson says, “But without me, how can you have mass?”
What did the subatomic particle say to the duck?
Quark, quark.
What did one photon say to the other photon?
I’m sick and tired of your interference.
Why was Heisenberg’s wife unhappy?
Because whenever he had the energy, he didn’t have the time.
Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
Because that’s where students have the most potential.
A quark doesn’t walk into a bar and orders a drink from the bar.
Two kittens are on a roof. Which one falls off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve tachyons in here.”
A tachyon walks into a bar.
Who was the first electricity detective?
Sherlock Ohms.
Why do quantum physicists make bad lovers?
Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
Absolute zero is cool!
What is the difference between a quantum theorist and a beauty
therapist?
The quantum theorist uses Planck’s Constant as a foundation, whereas the beauty therapist uses Max Factor.
Does a radioactive cat have eighteen half lives?
What happens when electrons lose their energy?
They get Bohr’ed.
Where does bad light end up?
In a prism.
What’s the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.
Which books are the hardest to force yourself to read through?
And which books are the easiest to force yourself to read through?
Non-friction books.
What is an astronomical unit?
One hell of a big apartment.
What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
The wave.
Entropy isn’t what is used to be.
How many general-relativity theoreticists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
Why won’t Heisenbergs’ operators live in the suburbs?
Because they don’t commute.
What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?
Because it’s in the ground state.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.
Renee Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Sir, can I get you a Martini?”
Descartes says, “I don’t think…” and he disappears.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?
Gotta split!
How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, astronomers prefer the dark.
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?”
Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know where I am.”
A positron walks into a bar.
The bartender explains they’ve run out of regular alcohol.
The positron replies that it’s no matter.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn’t. It was already on the other side too.
Distance raptor over time raptor equals…
Velociraptor.
My son cheated on his physics test, and he has no idea how much trouble he is in.
He doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.
I was studying frequency in my physics class.
Now my brain Hertz.
Sometimes physics can be a real bummer.
I was thinking about gravity yesterday and it really brought me down.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek one day.
Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes, counts to 10 and then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen but Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand.
He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, each side a meter long.
Einstein says, “Newton, you’re terrible at this game, I’ve found you!”
Newton says, “No, no, Albert. You’ve actually found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops.
Physics Puns & Jokes
If you liked these physics jokes, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:
