We’re sure you’ll find these hilarious eating jokes and puns easy to digest! They certainly won’t leave a bad taste in your mouth!
Funny Eating Jokes
I hear it’s easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It’s more difficult to deter gents, though.
I told my daughter, “Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?”
She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. “It’s true! When was the last time you ate a monkey?!”
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
A blind person was eating seafood.
It didn’t help.
I wanna tell you a joke about a girl who only eats plants.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”
In my best bear voice, I replied…
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!”
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
A cannibble.
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat.
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
What do Mexicans eat when it’s cold out?
Brrrritos.
A man is on trial for cannibalism.
He says to the judge, “Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”
My grandfather just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
What do Italian ghosts eat?
Spooketti Boolognese.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, I’d thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
She craves anarchy.
What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?
The Anti-crust.
When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive.
It’s lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9.
But why did 7 eat 9?
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
I went to the doctors recently.
He said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”
I said, “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”
Momma always told me, “You are what you eat!”
So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
Don’t try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.
They’re too gamey.
Why didn’t the cannibal eat the guy with no legs?
Because he was lacktoes intolerant.
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
What do you call friends you like to eat with?
Tastebuds.
My wife couldn’t decide what to eat.
“Should I have chicken, soup, or pizza?”
“Absolutely. Chicken Super Pizza sounds awesome.”
My wife and I were stuck in traffic.
I said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating bacon.”
What kind of cheese does Medusa eat?
Gorgonzola.
More Funny Jokes
If you had the stomach for these funny jokes about eating, be sure to try a taste of the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, including these:
