The thing with jokes is that summer hilarious and summer not! Don’t sweat though, these funny summer jokes and puns are really hot! No-one will throw shade at you for telling them!
Funny Summer Jokes
Why are Gay Pride parades in Summer?
Because Pride comes before the Fall.
What’s Irish and sits outside in the summer?
Paddy O’Furniture.
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years but I’m more of a glass half full kind of guy.
I’m thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years.
Why did the hipster wear flannel in the summer?
He wore flannel before it was cool.
I found some spring water I bought 3 months ago.
I guess it’s summer water now.
What’s the best part about summer in America?
Three months of no school shootings.
A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar in the middle of summer and orders a big glass of ice water.
“Boy, it’s a scorcher out there,” she says to the bartender. “Sometimes I wonder if it is too hot for the little guy in here.”
“Oh I wouldn’t worry about it,” the bartender replies. “It’s probably just womb temperature.”
Why do they call it summer school?
Because it’s sum-more school.
My parents sent me to mime camp one summer.
I still can’t talk about it.
Next summer I’m applying for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s something I can see myself doing.
My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust.
We call her Summer for short.
How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool on a hot summer day?
Blow a whistle and say, “Everyone out of the pool, please!”
How do you get 20 Americans out of a pool on a hot summer day?
Blow a whistle and say, “For your own good and the safety of others, stay in the pool!”
I love summer in the UK.
It’s my favorite day of the year.
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.
One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing.
She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so.
Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
“Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.
“No, she’s not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”
“Batteries?” cried the wife.
“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the seashore.”
What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?
A bi-polar bear.
Humpty Dumpty always had a terrible summer.
At least he had a great fall.
I had a great childhood.
I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
Those were Goodyears.
If you’re really warm this summer…
Just put on sunglasses and you’ll be cooler.
Why do hipsters wear scarves in the summer?
They want to wear them before it’s cool.
How’s y’all’s summer bods looking?
Mine’s looking like I have a great personality.
The doctor has given me two months to live.
I’ve chosen August and December, because I like summer but don’t want to miss Christmas.
Some seasons are cold…
And summer hot.
Summer Puns & Jokes
If you enjoyed these funny puns and jokes about summer, be sure to take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more great jokes, including these:
