Life’s a beach but we’re shore these funny beach jokes and puns will cheer you up! So wave goodbye to sadness and laugh a little!
Funny Beach Jokes And Puns
What do you call a waffle on a California beach?
A Sandy Eggo.
I sneaked onto a beach early this morning.
The coast was clear.
I am really embarrassed that I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach.
Boy, is my face red!
A guy dies and wakes up on a beach.
Nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy.
All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him.
“Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me,” he says.
The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl.
He then walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole.
The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan.
“Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented… What’s that about?”
“Oh,” Satan says, “That’s for the Christians, they want it that way.”
What washes up on tiny beaches?
When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea.
Based on everyone’s reactions, I wonder if we should have cremated him first.
A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop.
“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”
“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”
The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who noot at him.
“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I need you to take them to a zoo immediately.”
The man replies, “I’ll take them right away,” and drives off.
The next day, the police officer sees the same exact van driving by and to his astonishment, it is still full of penguins!
He pulls the man over again, and notices that he and the penguins are all wearing sunglasses, sunscreen, and Hawaiian shirts.
The officer gapes at him and says, “Sir, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”
“Yes, I did,” the man replies. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”
I saw a man at the beach yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
I think I might be turning into a beach.
But I’m still not 100% shore.
I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn’t swim.
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.
How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
My good friend drowned while at the beach last month.
I tearfully placed a life preserver on his coffin at the funeral.
It’s what he would’ve wanted.
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean.
They soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, “I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here.”
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, “Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle.”
They look at the third guy. He says, “I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here.”
The first two guys look at each other for a minute.
Finally, one says, “How do you start a hurricane?”
A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach.
“Hi, my name is Ed.” he says.
“What’s it short for?” she asks.
Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering, “I dunno, it’s always been like that.”
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted…
Hey! Long time no sea.
I found a load of batteries washed up on the beach.
I was collecting C Cells on the sea shore.
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson.
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea.
Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, “Oh God, I have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back.”
And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore.
The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, “He had a hat.”
I went to a nude beach today and let me tell you, I had a lot of women’s attention.
I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.
A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch when all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, “If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady.”
He replies, “If you were even the teensiest bit of a woman, the hat would lift by itself.”
What does a guy with two right feet wear to the beach?
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, “Biologists and physicists are soluble in water.”
I was on the beach with my daughter.
After a while, she turned to me and said, “Dad, you look like a lobster.”
“Oh no,” I replied, “Am I burning?”
She said, “No. Just very ugly.”
What happens when you take a nap by the ocean?
You wake up with Resting Beach Face.
Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side
They say it’s a better way to get a tan.
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing.
She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so.
Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
“Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.
“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”
“Batteries?” cried the wife.
“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the seashore.”
I was on the beach and got hit by a massive wave of cake.
It was a tiramisunami.
Why did the boneless man go to the beach?
He wanted to get skele-tan.
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.
When he wakes up, he’s going to be a tan gent.
I asked the beach where the sea was.
It said it wasn’t shore.