Did you know turtles were around at the time of the dinosaurs? Which means there’s been plenty of time for awesome turtle puns to be developed. With that in mind, it’d be turtle-ly remiss of us not to bring you this collection of fabulously funny turtle puns and jokes. So we thought we’d better come out of shell and not be slow in getting them to you. And so here they are – enjoy!
Funny Turtle Puns & Jokes
What do you call a flying turtle?
My pet turtle died.
I’m not upset – just shell-shocked.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
A man goes to a costume party with nothing on but a naked woman on his back.
“What the hell are you supposed to be?” the party host asked him angrily when he arrived.
“I’m a snail,” the man replied.
“What a load of rubbish!” shouted the host. “How can you be a snail when all you’ve got is that naked woman on your back?”
“You’ve got it wrong,” the man replied. “That’s Michelle.”
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What do you call a famous turtle?
Where does a turtle go when it’s raining?
Joke About Turtles
If you enjoyed our puns and jokes about turtles, check out the rest of LaffGaff for all our other hilarious animal jokes and funny puns too, such as these: