Graduation Jokes & Puns

We’d like to propose a toast because these funny graduation jokes and puns are in a class of their own! So con-grad-ulations – enjoy them!

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Funny Graduation Jokes

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans.

The first says, “I’m planning on going into farming, it’s what my father did and it makes good money.”

The second asks, “What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?”

“I don’t know man, there are so many fields to choose from.”

What do you call the doctor who graduates at the bottom of the class?


Post Malone has started his own student loan service in an attempt to lift the burden off of new graduates.

It’s called “Post Malone’s Post Pone Ma Loans”.

Three college graduates – one in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economics — sit for a job interview.

The question they’re all asked is “What’s 2+2?”

The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, “A solution exists.”

The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, “3. But we’ll make it 5 just to be safe.”

The Economics graduate locks the door behind him, closes the curtains over the windows, and finally whispers, “How much do you want it to be?”

What do you call someone who graduated high school with 1.8 GPA?


I was just voted “Least Likely to Succeed” by my graduating class.

I hate being a teacher.

An Irish fellow in New York turns to the gentleman next to him and says, “Well hey there friend! Where do ya hail from?”

“I’m from Ireland.”

“No kidding! I’m from Ireland myself! What part of Ireland?”

“Grew up in Wexford.”

“Wexford?! No kidding! I grew up in Wexford myself!”

“Well what are the chances of that?! Say, what secondary school did you go to?”

“I went to St Peters Secondary.”

“St Peters Secondary?! I went to St Peters Secondary! I’ll be darned! What year did you graduate?”


“1979??!! That’s the year I graduated! What are the chances of that?!!”

Well as these two guys are just flabbergasted at the chances of this meeting, another guy at the end of the bar is watching curiously.

He calls over to the bartender and asks, “Hey what on earth is going on over there?”

To which the bartender replies, “Ah nothing. Just the O’Malley twins drunk again.”

Our test tube baby just finished high school today.

He’s a graduated cylinder now.

Three students at the CIA Academy were about to graduate.

The instructor called them into a room and said to the first one, “Take this gun and go into the next room. I want you to assassinate whomever you find there. If you don’t do this, you don’t graduate.”

The man took the gun and went into the next room, where he found his wife.

Taking one look at her, he returned to the instructor, threw down his gun and quit, saying, “I can’t do this.”

The next man went into the room and saw his own wife.

He hesitated a moment, then he, too, resigned.

The third man took the gun and went into the room.

The instructor heard six rapid shots, followed by screams, thuds, crashes, then silence.

Then the door opened and out came the third agent all bloody, and his shirt in shreds.

He said to the instructor, “You idiot, you gave me blanks! I had to strangle her!”

I would have graduated ninja school.

But nobody ever knew I was in the class.

My brother wanted to play Cowboys and Indians.

So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in Computer Science.

Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?

He graduated with his Ph7.

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?

He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s.

My buddy signed up for one of those, “Learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks” courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9 am today.

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, “Looks like I’m gonna need a pen for this job. I’ll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back.”

Graduated top of his class.

I graduated with a Chemistry degree, but the only job I got was testing carbonated beverages.

It was soda grading.

I just got my degree in Sky Diving.

I had to drop out to graduate.

When the young seminary graduate arrived at the small country Church to preach his first official sermon, he noticed it had snowed about three feet deep just hours before Church was scheduled to begin.

Due to the snow, an elderly, white bearded farmer was the only person to show up for the service.

The young minister looked at the farmer and asked, “What do you think we should do?”

The farmer scratched his beard thoughtfully. “Well, I don’t know much about preaching, but I do know about farming. If I went down to the pasture with a load of hay to feed my cows and only one cow showed up, I’d feed that cow.”

The seminary graduate said, “That’s great! You sit right there and I’ll preach you a sermon.”

After about ninety minutes of preaching hellfire and brimstone, the seminary graduate concluded his sermon.

Feeling pretty proud of his accomplishment, the preacher turned to the farmer and asked, “Well, how was it?”

The farmer scratched his beard thoughtfully. “Like I said, I don’t know much about preaching, but I do know about farming. Like I told you, if I went down to the field with a load of hay and only one cow showed up, I’d feed that one cow. But, there’s just one thing.”

“What’s that?” the preacher asked.

The farmer replied, “I wouldn’t feed her the whole load.”

How do you get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

I’ve completed 4 years of being single today.

Or can I say I graduated my Bachelor’s Degree?

I just took my last exam before graduating out of culinary school.

The final was a piece of cake.

Do mathematicians graduate with a radian or a degree?

Why’s it hard for Americans to go to Canadian colleges?

Because you must graduate High School with all Eh’s.

What does a tall person say after graduating?

I graduated at the top of my class.

Why didn’t the chef graduate from his culinary class?

He didn’t finish the main course.

When my kid graduates high school I want him to go to Indiana for college.

Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.

What piece of lab equipment has the most education?

A graduated cylinder.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

“You may have graduated but I’ve got so many degrees.”

My wife was surprised to see me wearing a sombrero in all my high school graduation photos.

I had to explain – it was my Senor year.

You hear about the spice maker who graduated from med school?

They call him Dr. Pepper.

My daughter just graduated from law school.

Now she’s my daughter in law.

Did you hear about the circle that graduated?

It has 360 degrees.

What do you call tin foil hat graduates of the National Secret Honor Society?

The Aluminumati.

Jokes About Graduation

If you liked these puns and jokes about graduation and graduates, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and humor, such as our PhD jokes as well as these:

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