Funny Chemistry Jokes And Puns

Funny chemistry jokes and puns prove that chemistry doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, you can really bond over them as they are bound to get a reaction. Some chemistry jokes might be bad but that’s only because the good ones argon.

So we hope you enjoy this collection of funny chemistry jokes and puns. And be sure to check back regularly because we update them periodically!

A collection of funny chemistry jokes

Best Chemistry Jokes & Puns

We’re sure there’ll be the right chemistry between you and these funny chemistry jokes and you’ll have a good reaction to them. Enjoy!

Sodium Jokes

My friend asked me if I know any good jokes about sodium.

I said, “Na.”

Atomic Bonding

You’d think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they’re being friendly, but really they steal each other’s electrons.

How ionic.

Chemistry Coursework

As part of our chemistry coursework, everyone in my class had to create a glue strong enough to stick a wooden chair to the wall.

The teacher said my effort was the best.

I nailed it.

Cool Guy

I know a guy who cooled himself to -273.15C.

He was 0k.

How Much For A Beer?

A neutron walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”

The bartender smiles and says, “For you, no charge”.

Sick Chemist

What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, you might as well barium.

Chemistry Book

I’m reading a chemistry book about helium.

I can’t put it down.

A Thousand Words

My chemistry teacher told me to write a thousand words on acid.

My pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

Communication

How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?

A sulfone.

Lack Of Trust

I don’t trust atoms…

They make up everything.

What’s The Difference?

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a factory worker?

Ask them how to pronounce the word “unionized”.

Nitrate Attraction

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

Because they’re cheaper than day rates.

Gym Visit

Why did the acid go to the gym?

To become a buffer solution.

Bar Visit

Two chemists went into a bar.

The first chemist said, “I think I’ll have an H2O.”

The second chemist said, “I think I’ll have an H2O too.”

The second chemist died.

Haunted Faculty

What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?

Methylated spirits.

Lower Energy

Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?

Because it’s in the ground state.

Oxygen And Magnesium

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?

OMg!

Proton And Neutron

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street one day.

Suddenly the proton stops and says, “Wait, I think I dropped an electron. Will you help me look for it?”

The neutron says, “Are you sure?”

The proton replies, “I’m positive.”

Ionic Bond

The name’s Bond.

Ionic Bond.

Taken, not shared.

Marriage

Why did carbon marry hydrogen?

Because they bonded well from the moment they met.

Organic Chemistry Joke

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

First Date

What happened when oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.

Bedroom Experiment

My girlfriend said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom.

So I got her a chemistry set and went for a drink.

Problem Solvers

Why are chemists great at solving problems?

Because they have all the solutions.

White Furry Bear

Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar.

Chemistry Hotel

A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads “Great Day Rates,  Even Better NO3′s”

Service Refusal

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bar tender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gasses in here.”

Helium doesn’t react.

Tooth In Water

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A one molar solution.

Passing Dipoles

What do dipoles say in passing?

Have you got a moment?

Chemistry Teacher Joke

I was in chemistry class today and the teacher asked me to name an element.

So I stood up right in front of her and shouted, “AHHHHH!”

Startled, she said, “Oh god, what the hell was that?”

“The element of surprise,” I said.

Let’s Talk

Can we talk about Sulfur, Uranium, and Rhenium now?

SURe

Benzene Ring

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Scientific Plant

What do you call a scientific plant?

Chemis-tree.

Part Of The Solution

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

Favorite TV Show

Which TV show do caesium and iodine like to watch together?

CSI.

Chemistry Set

I bought my teenage son a chemistry set but he just threw it on the floor.

If he thinks he’s going to get a reaction that way, he’s got a lot to learn.

Chemistry Mole Joke

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

Because he got Avogadro’s number.

Sodium Chloride

Why do you go to jail for throwing Sodium Chloride at somebody?

Because it’s a salt.

Mass Spectrometer

What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.

Scientific Discovery

What did the scientist say when he discovered two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe.

Glass

The optimist sees the glass half full.

The pessimist sees the glass half empty.

The chemist see the glass completely full – half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Spanish Friend

I asked my friend from Spain if silicon is spelt the same way in Spanish.

He said, “Si.”

Superhero Alliance

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together they’d by alloys.

Rubber Sole

Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.

Bartender

What did the bartender say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorous walked into the bar?

OH SNaP!

Chemistry Professor

A chemistry professor walks into a bar and orders concentrated sodium hydroxide.

The bartender asks, “Why the strong base?”

Lab Party

A chemistry lab is like a big party.

Some drop acid, and others drop the base.

Missing Hug

A hug without u is like Mercury.

Hg.

Old Color Chemists

Old color chemists never dye.

They just fade away.

Two Titrations

What did one titration say to the other?

Let’s meet at the endpoint.

Quick Divorce

A biologist and a physicist got married but they soon got divorced.

There was just no chemistry.

Proton Mass

I said to my friend, “Did you know protons have mass?

He said, “I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”

Stopped Car

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.

Lack Of Pranks

Why aren’t chemists ever able to prank their friends?

Because they lack the element of surprise.

Chemistry Cat Joke

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion.

Queen Farts

If the Queen farts, is it a noble gas?

Chemical Fruit

What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?

BaNaNa.

Free Radicals

Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.

Pants Falling Down

Why did the chemist’s pants keep falling down?

Because he had no acetol.

Graduated Cylinder

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

You may have graduated but I’ve got many degrees.

Sodium Atoms

9 sodium atoms walk into a bar…

Followed by batman.

Jailed Clown

What do you call a clown in jail?

Silicon.

Passing Through

A neutrino walks into a bar…

He was just passing through.

Chemistry Joke

I told my friends a chemistry joke today.

There was no reaction.

No Reaction

As I entered the chemistry lab, someone threw sulphuric acid and someone else threw sodium hydroxide at me.

I remained neutral.

Friendly Ion

What’s the friendliest polyatomic ion?

Bromate.

Vat Of Chemicals

My friend fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, it was his quick reaction that killed him.

Periodic Table Puns

What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?

Au revoir.


I was caught studying the periodic table in English class.

It was an elementary mistake.


I was going to tell a periodic table joke but all them argon.


How often should a person make a chemistry joke?

Periodically.


A thief thought it would be funny to steal Si from the periodic table.

It was a silly con.


Can a chemist read the periodic table?

Isotope so.


Gold walks into a bar and starts messing with somebody’s drink.

The bartender sees this and says, “Au get outta here!”


After periodic doubts about his vocational calling, the young chemistry teacher concluded he was out of his element.


Chemistry Puns & Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny chemistry jokes and puns be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more science jokes and teacher jokes, including these: