Funny chemistry jokes and puns prove that chemistry doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, you can really bond over them as they are bound to get a reaction. Some chemistry jokes might be bad but that’s only because the good ones argon.
So we hope you enjoy this collection of funny chemistry jokes and puns. And be sure to check back regularly because we update them periodically!
My friend asked me if I know any good jokes about sodium.
I said, “Na.”
You’d think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they’re being friendly, but really they steal each other’s electrons.
As part of our chemistry coursework, everyone in my class had to create a glue strong enough to stick a wooden chair to the wall.
The teacher said my effort was the best.
I nailed it.
I know a guy who cooled himself to -273.15C.
He was 0k.
How Much For A Beer?
A neutron walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender smiles and says, “For you, no charge”.
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, you might as well barium.
I’m reading a chemistry book about helium.
I can’t put it down.
A Thousand Words
My chemistry teacher told me to write a thousand words on acid.
My pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?
Lack Of Trust
I don’t trust atoms…
They make up everything.
What’s The Difference?
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a factory worker?
Ask them how to pronounce the word “unionized”.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
Because they’re cheaper than day rates.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
To become a buffer solution.
Two chemists went into a bar.
The first chemist said, “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
The second chemist said, “I think I’ll have an H2O too.”
The second chemist died.
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?
Because it’s in the ground state.
Oxygen And Magnesium
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
Proton And Neutron
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street one day.
Suddenly the proton stops and says, “Wait, I think I dropped an electron. Will you help me look for it?”
The neutron says, “Are you sure?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.”
The name’s Bond.
Taken, not shared.
Why did carbon marry hydrogen?
Because they bonded well from the moment they met.
Organic chemistry is difficult.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What happened when oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
My girlfriend said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom.
So I got her a chemistry set and went for a drink.
Why are chemists great at solving problems?
Because they have all the solutions.
White Furry Bear
Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar.
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3′s”
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bar tender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.
Tooth In Water
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.
What do dipoles say in passing?
Have you got a moment?
I was in chemistry class today and the teacher asked me to name an element.
So I stood up right in front of her and shouted, “AHHHHH!”
Startled, she said, “Oh god, what the hell was that?”
“The element of surprise,” I said.
Can we talk about Sulfur, Uranium, and Rhenium now?
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call a scientific plant?
Part Of The Solution
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Favorite TV Show
Which TV show do caesium and iodine like to watch together?
I bought my teenage son a chemistry set but he just threw it on the floor.
If he thinks he’s going to get a reaction that way, he’s got a lot to learn.
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
Because he got Avogadro’s number.
Why do you go to jail for throwing Sodium Chloride at somebody?
Because it’s a salt.
What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.
What did the scientist say when he discovered two isotopes of Helium?
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full – half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
I asked my friend from Spain if silicon is spelt the same way in Spanish.
He said, “Si.”
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together they’d by alloys.
Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
What did the bartender say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorous walked into the bar?
A chemistry professor walks into a bar and orders concentrated sodium hydroxide.
The bartender asks, “Why the strong base?”
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop acid, and others drop the base.
A hug without u is like Mercury.
Old Color Chemists
Old color chemists never dye.
They just fade away.
What did one titration say to the other?
Let’s meet at the endpoint.
A biologist and a physicist got married but they soon got divorced.
There was just no chemistry.
I said to my friend, “Did you know protons have mass?
He said, “I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.
Lack Of Pranks
Why aren’t chemists ever able to prank their friends?
Because they lack the element of surprise.
What is a cation afraid of?
If the Queen farts, is it a noble gas?
What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.
Pants Falling Down
Why did the chemist’s pants keep falling down?
Because he had no acetol.
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
You may have graduated but I’ve got many degrees.
9 sodium atoms walk into a bar…
Followed by batman.
What do you call a clown in jail?
A neutrino walks into a bar…
He was just passing through.
I told my friends a chemistry joke today.
There was no reaction.
As I entered the chemistry lab, someone threw sulphuric acid and someone else threw sodium hydroxide at me.
I remained neutral.
What’s the friendliest polyatomic ion?
Vat Of Chemicals
My friend fell into a vat of chemicals.
Ironically, it was his quick reaction that killed him.
Periodic Table Puns
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
I was caught studying the periodic table in English class.
It was an elementary mistake.
I was going to tell a periodic table joke but all them argon.
How often should a person make a chemistry joke?
A thief thought it would be funny to steal Si from the periodic table.
It was a silly con.
Can a chemist read the periodic table?
Gold walks into a bar and starts messing with somebody’s drink.
The bartender sees this and says, “Au get outta here!”
After periodic doubts about his vocational calling, the young chemistry teacher concluded he was out of his element.
Chemistry Puns & Jokes
If you enjoyed our funny chemistry jokes and puns be sure to check out the rest of our sites for lots more school and science jokes including these: