My new girlfriend told me I’m terrible in bed.
I told her it’s unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute.
Joke Of The Day Archives
Work Attire
What do lawyers wear to work?
A lawsuit.
New Blindfold
I just bought a new blindfold.
I can’t see myself wearing it.
Quilts And Duvets
My wife said that quilts are better than duvets.
I told her to be careful making blanket statements like that.
Photographic Memory
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
Himalayan Friend
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
New Gloves
I bought a new pair of gloves today but they’re both “lefts”.
Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
Darth Vader Costume
What did the designers of Darth Vader’s costume model it on?
Mannequin Skywalker.
Condiment Wizard
What does a condiment wizard perform?
Saucery.
Wind Color
What color is the wind?
Blew.
Bad Singers
Which country is filled with very poor singers?
Singapore.
Nervous Bungee Jumper
Me: licking lips in anticipation I’m nervous. I’ve never done a bungee jump before.
Instructor: don’t lick my lips again.
Tiktok Account
Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.
For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.
Damaged Laptop
The roads were so rough, it damaged my laptop.
It was a hard drive.
Favorite Herb
My wife just threw away my favorite herb.
She’s such a thyme waster.
Replacement Worker
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He’s the new temp.
Autopsy Club
Everyone was excited at the autopsy club.
It was open Mike night.
Unwell Book
Two books meet in a library. The first book says “You don’t look too well”.
The other book replies “Just had my appendix removed.”
Pasta Factory
I started my new job at the pasta factory last week.
It’s been going well for the most part, just a fusilli mistakes.
Birthday Cake
I said to the doctor, “Every time I eat birthday cake I get heartburn”.
She told me to take the candles off first in future.
