Tea Dislike
What do you call a dentist who doesnt like tea?
Denis.
Joke Of The Day Archives
Cloud Bills
How do clouds pay their bills?
With a rain check.
Chocolate Bank
The person who handled customer transactions at the Chocolate Bank quit his job.
So the bank hired a Nutella.
Leaf Expert
I’m an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
It’s my special tea.
Sleeping Mechanic
Why did the mechanic sleep under the car?
He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.
Sophisticated Frogs
What music do more sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
Desk Fan
My desk fan at work is getting annoying.
He keeps taking photos of it.
New Tennis Player
A new tennis player goes to the library and asks for books about aces.
“No way”, says the librarian, “You won’t return them”.
Scrabble Winner
Congratulations to my friend who won a local Scrabble tournament.
He’s celebrating with a night on the tiles.
Ticket Inspectors
Ticket inspectors.
You’ve got to hand it to them…
Rower Friend
My rower friend is really annoying.
He’s always sticking his oar in.
Hair Washing Party
I’ve been invited to a hair washing party.
I’ve no excuse not to go.
Rear Wiper
My new car has a button for everything. There is even one that says, “rear wiper”.
I’m still afraid to try that one.
Musical Utensil
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
I think it’s the Chopin board.
New Plane
I bought a new plane the other day.
I was disappointed they wouldn’t let me keep the hangar.
One Tree
I saw a field with only one tree in it.
I thought, “That doesn’t look poplar”.
Dress Alteration Company
I got fired from my job at the dress alteration company.
Apparently I didn’t turn up enough.
Pet Zebra
I got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are.
He eats like a horse.
Cheap Trampolines
I saw a sticker in the sports shop saying “Trampolines Half Price”.
I jumped on the offer.
Vampires And Chickens
Why do vampires not attack chickens?
Their blood is fowl.
Sprinter And Duck
What’s the difference between a sprinter and a duck?
One goes quick, the other goes quack.
Empty Tester Bottle
I was in a shop the other day, and there was an empty tester bottle of perfume with a sign saying “out of odor”.
French Skeleton
How does a French skeleton say hello?
Bone-jour!
Angry Paediatrician
Why was the paediatrician always losing his temper?
He had little patients.
Irreplaceable
My friend worked as a human cannonball act in the circus. When he retired they never replaced him.
They couldn’t find anyone else of the same caliber.
School Of Rock
How do you get into the School of Rock?
You rock enroll.
Decimal Fan
I don’t understand why some people choose to use fractions instead of decimals.
It’s pointless.
Everest Climber
People are always skeptical when I say I climbed Mount Everest.
But it’s true, I made it up.
Spiders In Raincoats
My friend has a bizarre fear of spiders in raincoats.
Anorakaphobia.
Floating Dock
What keeps a dock floating above water?
Pier pressure.
Warm Underwear
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.
Plus it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Singing Whales
What do you call a group of whales singing?
An orcastra.
Library Books
I’ll soon be sharing some jokes about library books.
They are long overdue.
Lawyer Underwear
Why did the lawyer show up to court in his underwear?
He forgot his lawsuit.
Wheat Field Photo
Why is it so hard to take a good photo of a wheat field?
The image is always grainy.
Faulty Watch
My wife’s watch has stopped working but I haven’t told her yet.
It’s never the right time.
Fastest Cake
What’s the world’s fastest cake?
Scooone…
Dentists
Be nice to dentists.
They have fillings too.
Earth
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow, you guys have no life.
Tennis Racket
Never play tennis with a cymbal.
It makes a terrible racket.
