We’ve got some cracking egg puns here and that’s no yolk. If these don’t make you come out of your shell and laugh, nothing will. So if you like your jokes funny side up, you’re sure to get egg-cited at these funny egg puns and egg jokes.
Eggs are full of vitamins and proteins and so they’re good for you. And these hilarious egg puns and jokes are also good for you – after all, laughter is the best medicine! Enjoy them!
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can’t find them.
I think they’ve been mislaid.
Where’s the best place to get information about eggs?
What day to eggs hate the most?
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, “All items one-third off.”
So I bought a dozen eggs.
Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Who tells the best egg jokes?
What does a meditating egg say?
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, “Why have you got a fried egg on your head?”
The man replies, “Because boiled eggs fall off.”
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
If you can’t beat them…
Just have your eggs fried.
What’s an egg’s favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
What do chickens grow on?
How many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach?
Just one. After that your stomach won’t be empty.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, “Let me give you a bit of advice. You can’t make an omelette …”
“Without breaking eggs?” I finished for him.
“No. You can’t make an omelette,” he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What sport are eggs best at?
Eggs are going up again.
That’ll surprise a few chickens.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
I went to a cafe for breakfast the other day and ordered eggs.
The woman behind the counter asked me, “How would you like your eggs cooked.”
I said, “Does it affect the price?”
“No, not at all.” she replied.
I said, “In that case I’d like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please.”
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
At a kid’s birthday party, the hired magician was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear.
“There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?”
“Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A wife was cooking her husband fried eggs for breakfast. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he shouted, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!”
The wife stared at him like he was crazy.
She said, “What on earth is the matter with you? Do you think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
I don’t agree with battery hens.
Surely they’d lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
A woman takes her son to the doctor’s and tells the doctor that he thinks he’s a chicken.
The doctor asks, “How long has he been like this?”
The woman replies, “Three years.”
The doctor exclaims, “Three years! Why didn’t you bring him in sooner?”
The woman says, “We needed the eggs.”
I bought two eggs at the store today.
It seemed a bit excessive walking out with them in separate baskets.
Two eggs are in a frying pan.
The first egg says “It’s boiling in here”.
The second egg says “Wow! A talking egg!”
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk…
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
An egg walks into a bar …
And makes a real mess.
I saw a sign earlier that said, “Free Range Eggs.”
I’ve never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
My son’s has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he’s eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He’s full of surprises.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Don’t put all my eggs in one basket?
Nice try, basket industry.
Eggs – the original boneless chicken.
I never count my chickens before they’re hatched.
Because they’re eggs.
A man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry.
He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, “Try our Exotic Breakfast now” so he walks in and sits down at a table.
The waitress comes over and asks what he wants.
The man asks, “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?”
“Baked tongue of chicken,” she proudly replies
The man shouts, “Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I’d never even think about eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth! Urrghhh!!”
The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, “No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?”
The man says, “Just bring me some scrambled eggs.”
My dad always used to tell me, “Never put all your eggs in one basket.”
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Cracking Egg Puns!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
How does a hen leave it’s house?
Through the eggs-it.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
Hard to beat, aren’t they?
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
How do baby chickens dance?
How do monsters like their eggs?
Who wrote the book “Great Egg-spectations”?
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What’s an egg’s favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
Fried eggs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron’s eggs.
My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.
I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
It’s my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I’ve found my sea legs.
I’m not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don’t lay eggs.
Why can’t you tease egg whites?
Because they can’t take a yolk.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
More Funny Puns & Jokes
If you enjoyed our selection of funny egg puns and egg jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and laughs. For example, check out our funny owl jokes, our funny cheese jokes, our popsicle jokes and our funny banana jokes, as well as these: