You looked like you kneaded a laugh so the yeast we could do was bring you these funny baker jokes and puns! They’re sure to raise a rye smile!
Funny Baker Jokes
My grandfather was a baker in the army.
He went in all buns glazing.
Good bakers use real butter so that there is no margarine for error.
What did the German baker say when he met his friend?
Why is a baker’s dozen 13 instead of 12?
In case one dozen come out right.
What’s the lazy baker’s favorite recipe?
I used to date a baker.
But I broke up with her because she was too kneady.
What do you give a baker on Valentine’s Day?
If a baker assaults somebody with a baguette…
Can he be charged with assault with a breadly weapon?
What kind of shoes do bakers wear?
I can understand why French bakers hate me.
I feel their pain.
What does a baker with a cold bake?
A baker in my town accidentally fell inside a truck full of French bread.
He is in a lot of pain.
Did you hear about the baker who was obsessed with his bread?
He kneaded it all the time.
What did the sad baker say when his bread was complimented?
Thanks, I kneaded that.
I heard the bakers parents were also bakers.
You could say he was bread for the job.
For lifelong French bakers…
Existence is pain.
Why did the baker go to work?
He kneaded the dough.
I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.
He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.
I wouldn’t think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.
Why was the baker’s assistant fired?
He was loafing around.
A baker has a crumby job, but it’s the yeast of his concerns as he probably just kneads the dough.
What does the baker say when things are looking down?
Don’t worry, things will get batter.
What do you call an red-headed baker?
A ginger bread man.
What do you call a hip-hop group made of bakers?
The Yeastie Boys.
Why did the baker rob the bank?
He kneaded the dough.
The baker in my town was secretly a noble.
I guess he was well-bread.
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was too kneady.
My wife was wondering what the world would be like if we just all stopped fighting.
I said, “Well, I guess then we’d all be bakers.”
“Because we’d be making loaves, not war.”
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop to plan for their upcoming nuptials.
After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service.
Offended, the couple can’t believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage he won’t even bake a cake.
The baker replies, “No no I’m fine with gay marriage. I just can’t support inter-Rachel marriage.”
I came home with all purpose flour.
My wife asked why I didn’t get bread flour.
I told her there wasn’t any, in these times bakers can’t be choosers.
Why are bakers so rich?
Because they’re rolling in dough.
I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.
I took one bite, looked up, and said, “It’s stale mate.”
He seemed surprised and said, “No, mate.”
So I handed him the cake and said, “Check mate.”
What happens to a baker if they steal another’s cream pie recipe?
They get taken into custard-y.
What do you call a Russian baker?
Did you hear about the baker that stopped making donuts?
He got tired of the hole thing.
An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.
The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.
The Englishman says to the Scotsman, “You see how clever we are? You’ll never beat that!”
The Scotsman says to the Englishman, “Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman.”
He says to the baker, “Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!”
The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker, “Give me another cookie for my magic trick.”
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.
Then he says again, “Give me one more cookie…”
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, “And where is your magic trick?”
The Scotsman says, “Look in the Englishman’s pocket!”
Last time I went to the bakery, I told a bread joke.
The baker gave a rye smile.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery.
Matthew: “Can I get three loaves of bread please?”
Baker: “What type do you want sir?”
Matthew: “All rye, all rye, all rye.”
What did the French baker feel when his bakery collapsed on him?
What do you call an unknown baker?
I asked my friend the baker what is the key to being successful in the business and making good bread.
He said, “You can’t just want it, you gotta knead it!”