Bagel Jokes And Puns

You don’t need any proof do know these are the best bagel jokes and puns! Doughn’t believe us? Just read them now!

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Funny Bagel Jokes And Puns

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane bagel.

What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast?

Excuse me, but I’d like to propose a toast!

What do you call a bagel in fancy dress?

A donut.

What’s a pilot’s favorite kind of bagel?


What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods.

A blonde walks into a library, goes up to the librarian’s desk and says loudly, “I’ll have a coffee and a bagel”.

Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, “This is a library!!”

The blonde replies with a whisper, “I would like a coffee and a bagel!”

Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “That every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.”

“I know,” says the second owner.

“How do you know?” the first demands.

“My dog told me.”

How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?

He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign.

Did you hear about the baker who was accused of stealing bagels?

He told them they needed proof.

What’s the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

Why can’t blueberry bagels fly?

Because, then they would be plane bagels.

What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor?

Ses-a-ME! Mario!

I recently bumped into a Frenchman wearing a bagel as a scarf.

He said it was a real pain in the neck.

What do you call a bagel with wings?

A plane bagel.

Analogies are like bagels on a trampoline…

They don’t always work.

Why did the bagel go the bar?

To get toasted.

How do you prevent someone from stealing your bagel?

You put lox on it.

I saw a bird today. It was eating a gluten free bagel.

It must be a millennial falcon.

Yo mamma so dumb…

She thinks judo is what you make bagels with.

An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says “I’m going to the store to get myself a soda, do you want anything?”

His wife says “I’d like an ice cream sundae. Here, I’ll write it down for you so you don’t forget–“

“I’m not going to forget,” he waves his hand at her dismissively. “Ice cream sundae.”

“With cherries and chopped nuts. You’ll forget, I’m going to write it down for you.”

“Woman I’m not senile! I won’t forget! Sundae with cherries and nuts.”

“And whipped cream. You’re sure you won’t forget all this? You forgot the last time. Please, I’ll write it down so you won’t forget.”

The old man gave an annoyed sigh and left the house. He returned and handed his wife a bag.

“Here you go, I didn’t forget.”

She looked inside the bag and found a toasted onion bagel.

“Yes you did! I told you you would forget, and you did!” The old woman threw a fit. “You forgot the cream cheese!”

Two bagels are out flying.

All of the sudden one of them plummets to the ground. Why?

Because bagels can’t fly!

The same day two cows are also out flying and chatting and out of nowhere one of them also plunge down towards the ground. Why?

A bagel hit him in the eye!

More Funny Food Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny jokes and puns about bagels, be sure to sample the rest of our food puns, including these:

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